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 Public Attitudes Toward Science

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PostSubject: Public Attitudes Toward Science   Public Attitudes Toward Science I_icon_minitimeThu Sep 24, 2009 2:05 pm

In chapter 11 of your reading book, Select Readings, the author shares his views toward science with the reader. What is an important science-related problem or question facing your country or region? How should this issue be addressed?

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Julie
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Hyeon-Ji
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So-Hee
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Julie

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PostSubject: Global Warming   Public Attitudes Toward Science I_icon_minitimeSun Oct 04, 2009 1:11 pm

In the last hundred years, the world has changed a lot by the development of science and technology. So our life becomes comfortable and advanced. However, there are many following science-related problems, such as, acid rain, nuclear weapons, genetic engineering, and etc. In Environmental Sustainability Index, Korea got 122nd from 142 countries. As we saw on this shocking report, Korea has problem in environmentI would like to talk about global warming.

Why the global warming does occurs? The main reason is greenhouse gases like CO2. Global warming become more serious as industrialization develops. Vehicles and factories emit CO2. Also, people cut off the trees and corals. Then they cannot absorb CO2 and emit oxygen. How does the global warming affect us? Between 1996 and 2000, Seoul's average highest temperature and average death toll are directly proportional. Diseases are increasing as the climate changes. I also affect the citizens directly. Kyoto Protocol will ask citizens to reduce greenhouse gases emission as a duty. Then people will suffer from economical problem. If we reduce greenhouse gases emission, the rate of gross national product growth will decrease. There is theory that if Japan sink, they will try to take our land.

Global warming makes many problems so we have to prevent from it. Everyone should make an effort. First, country and government should help. There is some example. The Hague in the Netherland wanted to become 'CO2 zero city'. So they use wave-power generation, photovoltaic system to make electricity. Then they use electricity for cars, air conditioning and home appliances. Second, companies need to strive for global warming. They have to use high energy efficiency productions and invest for greenhouse gases reduction techniques. Last, we have to work for our world. Many people think country should solve the global warming problems, but it's not. We can't do hard things; still we can do to save the Earth. Contract the time for taking a shower, use public transportations, do recycling, and eat less meat. It's an easy thing to do.

In conclusion, the global warming is a big disaster near us. It is made of our developed techniques and science. We should prevent it from starting small efforts to big one. Keep in mind that global warming is not others' issue!


Last edited by Julie on Wed Oct 07, 2009 4:59 pm; edited 5 times in total
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PostSubject: Feedback for Julie   Public Attitudes Toward Science I_icon_minitimeMon Oct 05, 2009 5:59 pm

Looking at your ifrst online production, I must say you did well. Your esay looks organized and is mostly easy to read and follow. Your main idea is well supported throughout your text and your example do well in supporting your topic sentences.

Looking more closely at you essay there are a few elements that need to be addressed. Your introduction does well at painting a picture for your reader, but then you present a term 'Environmental Sustainability Index' that some readers may not be aware of without defining or explaining why this group is important. Your body paragraphs are good. I like the way you present the problem and give solutions to the problem. It would be stronger if you could include an example of something your city has done in order to combat global warming. Remember the question asks you to identify a science related problem that is hitting your immediate surroundings.


Julie wrote:
In the last hundred years, the world has changed a lot by the development of science and technology. So our life becomes comfortable and advanced. However, there are many following science-related problems, such as, acid rain, nuclear weapons, genetic engineering, and etc. In Environmental Sustainability Index, Korea got 122nd from 142 countriesIn order for the reader to better follow your argument, you should explain what the Environment Sustainability Index is and what it does. Are all countries part of this list? If not who isn't and why? ... you do not need to mention all of them, but one example of a country not part of this study might be of imprtance to overall structure of the text.As we saw on this shocking report, Korea has problem in environmentI would like to talk about global warming.

Why the global warming does occurs? The main reason is greenhouse gases like CO2. Global warming become more serious as industrialization develops. Vehicles and factories emit CO2. Also, people cut off the trees and corals. Then they cannot absorb CO2 and emit oxygen. How does the global warming affect us? Between 1996 and 2000, Seoul's average highest temperature and average death toll are directly proportional. Really! Where is your proof? This is a very big statement that is unsupported. Please give suporting facts to uphold this opinionDiseases are increasing as the climate changes. I also affect the citizens directlyWhat is your effect on the citizens? The citizens of what country?. Kyoto Protocol will ask citizens to reduce greenhouse gases emission as a duty. Then people will suffer from economical problem. If we reduce greenhouse gases emission, the rate of gross national product growth will decrease. There is theory that if Japan sink, they will try to take our land. Why will Japan sink? How does having your gnp slowdown make a country sink? Where does this theory come from? You need to mention the name of the person (even if it is fictive) of the person who put forward this theory.)

Global warming makes many problems so we have to prevent from it. Everyone should make an effort. First, country and government should help. There is some example. The Hague in the Netherland wanted to become 'CO2 zero city'. So they use wave-power generation, photovoltaic system to make electricity. Then they use electricity for cars, air conditioning and home appliances. Second, companies need to strive for global warming. They have to use high energy efficiency productions and invest for greenhouse gases reduction techniques. Last, we have to work for our world. Many people think country should solve the global warming problems, but it's not. We can't do hard things; still we can do to save the Earth. Contract the time for taking a shower, pull out the plug What does pull out the plug mean? what plug?, use public transportations, do recycling, and eat less meat. It's an easy thing to do.

In conclusion, the global warming is a big disaster near us. It is made of our developed techniques and science. We should prevent it from starting small efforts to big one. Keep in mind that global warming is not others' issue!


Last edited by Admin on Sat Oct 10, 2009 6:56 am; edited 2 times in total
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PostSubject: 2nd draft   Public Attitudes Toward Science I_icon_minitimeWed Oct 07, 2009 4:56 pm

In the last hundred years, the world has changed a lot by the development of science and technology. So our life becomes comfortable and advanced. However, there are many following science-related problems, such as, acid rain, nuclear weapons, genetic engineering, and etc. In Environmental Sustainability Index, Korea got 122nd from 146 countries. Environmental Sustainability Index benchmarks the ability of nations to protect the environment. The higher a country's ESI score , the better positioned it is to maintain favorable environmental conditions into the future. There are many countries even that I've never heard of, like Haiti, Rwanda and Burkina Faso. As we saw on this shocking report, Korea has problem in environment. I would like to talk about global warming.

Why the global warming does occurs? The main reason is greenhouse gases like CO2. Global warming become more serious as industrialization develops. Vehicles and factories emit CO2. Also, people cut off the trees and corals. Then they cannot absorb CO2 and emit oxygen. How does the global warming affect us? According to the Korean ministry of environment research, between 1996 and 2000, Seoul's average highest temperature and average death toll are directly proportional. Diseases are increasing as the climate changes. Global warming also affect the citizens directly. Kyoto Protocol will ask citizens to reduce greenhouse gases emission as a duty. Then people will suffer from economical problem. If we reduce greenhouse gases emission, the rate of gross national product growth will decrease.

Global warming makes many problems so we have to prevent from it. Everyone should make an effort. First, country and government should help. There is some example. The Hague in the Netherland wanted to become 'CO2 zero city'. So they use wave-power generation, photovoltaic system to make electricity. Then they use electricity for cars, air conditioning and home appliances. Second, companies need to strive for global warming. They have to use high energy efficiency productions and invest for greenhouse gases reduction techniques. Last, we have to work for our world. Many people think country should solve the global warming problems, but it's not. We can't do hard things; still we can do to save the Earth. Contract the time for taking a shower, pull out the plug, use public transportations, do recycling, and eat less meat. It's an easy thing to do.

In conclusion, the global warming is a big disaster near us. It is made of our developed techniques and science. We should prevent it from starting small efforts to big one. Keep in mind that global warming is not others' issue!
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PostSubject: Second feedback for Julie   Public Attitudes Toward Science I_icon_minitimeSun Oct 11, 2009 6:23 am

Julie wrote:
In the last hundred years, [1]/[2] the world has changed a lot by the development of science and technology. [2]So our life becomes comfortable and advanced. [3]However, there are many following science-related problems, such as, acid rain, nuclear weapons, genetic engineering, and etc. In Environmental Sustainability Index, Korea got 122nd from 146 countries. Environmental Sustainability Index benchmarks the ability of nations to protect the environment. The higher a country's ESI score, the better positioned it is to maintain favorable environmental conditions into the future. [4]There are many countries even that I've never heard of, like Haiti, Rwanda and Burkina Faso. As we saw on this shocking report, Korea has problem in environment. I would like to talk about global warming.

[-]Why the global warming does occurs? The main reason is greenhouse gases like CO2. Global warming become more serious as industrialization develops. Vehicles and factories emit CO2. [5]Also, people cut off the trees and corals. [6]Then they cannot absorb CO2 and emit oxygen. How does the global warming affect us? According to the Korean ministry of environment research, between 1996 and 2000, Seoul's average highest temperature and average death toll are directly proportional. Diseases are increasing as the climate changes. [-]Global warming also affect the citizens directly. Kyoto Protocol will ask citizens to reduce greenhouse gases emission as a duty. [7]Then people will suffer from economical problem. If we reduce greenhouse gases emission, the rate of gross national product growth will decrease.

Global warming makes many problems so we have to prevent from it. Everyone should make an effort. First, country and government should help. There is some example. The Hague in the Netherland wanted to become 'CO2 zero city'. So they use wave-power generation, photovoltaic system to make electricity. Then they use electricity for cars, air conditioning and home appliances. [8]Second, companies need to strive for global warming. [-]They have to use high energy efficiency productions and invest for greenhouse gases reduction techniques. Last, we have to work for our world. [-]Many people think country should solve the global warming problems, but it's not. [-]We can't do hard things; still we can do to save the Earth. [9]/[10]Contract the time for taking a shower, pull out the plug, use public transportations, do recycling, and eat less meat. [11] It's an easy thing to do.

In conclusion, the global warming is a big disaster near us. It is made of our developed techniques and science. We should prevent it from starting small efforts to big one. [-]Keep in mind that global warming is not others' issue!

This is a very good essay Julie. You are able to present a problem, describe it and produce solutions to combat the problem. Well done. There are a few problems that still linger in your essay.

[1] The use of ‘by’ is incorrect. Here you need a word that shows a cause-effect pattern. Due to / because of / as a result are examples.
[2] The two sentences should be linked through the use of a comma because the second sentence is also an effect of the development of science and technology.
[3] The use of following is inappropriate. You might want to change the word for ‘that arise’ and place this word after ‘problems’. In addition, erase the word ‘and’ previous to ‘etc’. The use of etcetera means the list continues, whereas the word ‘and’ signifies the end of something.
[4] You mention these countries, but we cannot compare them with Korea because you do not give us any numbers. For the reader to get a better idea of how shocking the numbers are it is best if you compare it to countries that are more advanced such as the US, England, Japan or countries that are closer to your country such as China, Russia, Japan, Singapore, India.
[-] Grammar mistake
[5] We cut trees, we do not cut ‘off the’ trees and we do not cut coral reefs. You need to insert a verb to tell the reader what people are doing to the coral reefs.
[6] Who is ‘They’?
[7] Why will people suffer from economical problems?
[8] You need to change the word ‘strive’. To strive for something is to aim for it.
[9] ‘pull out the plug’ should be changed to ‘unplug’
[10] What should people unplug?
[11] What is it?

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PostSubject: Final draft   Public Attitudes Toward Science I_icon_minitimeTue Oct 13, 2009 1:50 pm

In the last hundred years, the world has changed a lot because of the development of science and technology, so our life becomes comfortable and advanced. There are many science-related problems that arise, such as, acid rain, nuclear weapons, genetic engineering, etc. In Environmental Sustainability Index, Korea got 122nd from 146 countries. Environmental Sustainability Index benchmarks the ability of nations to protect the environment. The higher a country's ESI score, the better positioned it is to maintain favorable environmental conditions into the future. The advanced countries, Japan is 30th, Canada 6th and USA is 45th. As we saw on this shocking report, Korea has problem in environment. I would like to talk about global warming.

Why does global warming occurs? The main reason is greenhouse gases like CO2. Global warming become more serious as industrialization develops. Vehicles and factories emit CO2. Also, people cut the trees and destroy corals. Then plants cannot absorb CO2 and emit oxygen. How does global warming affect us? According to the Korean ministry of environment research, between 1996 and 2000, Seoul's average highest temperature and average death toll are directly proportional. Diseases like scrub typhus, malaria and laptospirosis are increasing as the climate changes. Global warming also directly affect the citizens . Kyoto Protocol will ask citizens to reduce greenhouse gases emission as a duty. Then people will suffer from economical problem because if we reduce greenhouse gases emission, the rate of gross national product growth will decrease.

Global warming makes many problems so we have to prevent from it. Everyone should make an effort. First, country and government should help. There is some example. The Hague in the Netherland wanted to become 'CO2 zero city'. So they use wave-power generation, photovoltaic system to make electricity. Then they use electricity for cars, air conditioning and home appliances. Second, companies need to work for global warming. They have to use high energy efficiency productions and invest for greenhouse gases reduction techniques. Last, we have to work for our world. Many people think country should solve the problems of global warming, but it's not. We don't have to do hard things; still we can do to save the Earth. Contract the time for taking a shower, unplug home appliances, use public transportations, do recycling, and eat less meat. Following ways are easy things to do.

In conclusion, the global warming is a big disaster near us. It is made of our developed techniques and science. We should prevent it from starting small efforts to big one. Keep in mind that the global warming is not others' issue!
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PostSubject: Final Feedback & Grade for Julie   Public Attitudes Toward Science I_icon_minitimeTue Oct 13, 2009 5:00 pm

Julie wrote:
In the last hundred years, the world has changed a lot because of the development of science and technology, so our life becomes comfortable and advanced. There are many science-related problems that arise, such as, acid rain, nuclear weapons, genetic engineering, etc. In Environmental Sustainability Index, Korea got 122nd from 146 countries. Environmental Sustainability Index benchmarks the ability of nations to protect the environment. The higher a country's ESI score, the better positioned it is to maintain favorable environmental conditions into the future. The advanced countries, Japan is 30th, Canada 6th and USA is 45th. As we saw on this shocking report, Korea has problem in environment. I would like to talk about global warming.

Why does global warming occurs? The main reason is greenhouse gases like CO2. Global warming become more serious as industrialization develops. Vehicles and factories emit CO2. Also, people cut the trees and destroy corals. Then plants cannot absorb CO2 and emit oxygen. How does global warming affect us? According to the Korean ministry of environment research, between 1996 and 2000, Seoul's average highest temperature and average death toll are directly proportional. Diseases like scrub typhus, malaria and laptospirosis are increasing as the climate changes. Global warming also directly affect the citizens . Kyoto Protocol will ask citizens to reduce greenhouse gases emission as a duty. Then people will suffer from economical problem because if we reduce greenhouse gases emission, the rate of gross national product growth will decrease.

Global warming makes many problems so we have to prevent from it. Everyone should make an effort. First, country and government should help. There is some example. The Hague in the Netherland wanted to become 'CO2 zero city'. So they use wave-power generation, photovoltaic system to make electricity. Then they use electricity for cars, air conditioning and home appliances. Second, companies need to work for global warming. They have to use high energy efficiency productions and invest for greenhouse gases reduction techniques. Last, we have to work for our world. Many people think country should solve the problems of global warming, but it's not. We don't have to do hard things; still we can do to save the Earth. Contract the time for taking a shower, unplug home appliances, use public transportations, do recycling, and eat less meat. Following ways are easy things to do.

In conclusion, the global warming is a big disaster near us. It is made of our developed techniques and science. We should prevent it from starting small efforts to big one. Keep in mind that the global warming is not others' issue!


Hi Julie,
Well done. You introduce the topic, develop your ideas and support you points with strong facts. In the future, remember to clarify ideas that may be obscur to the reader, and to use comparatives that are known to the general population.

Mechanics: B+ // Language Use: B- // Topic Development: B // Impression on the Reader: A- ==> B+


Last edited by Admin on Wed Dec 02, 2009 11:50 am; edited 6 times in total
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So-Hee

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PostSubject: First Draft: Public attitudes toward science   Public Attitudes Toward Science I_icon_minitimeTue Oct 13, 2009 10:00 pm

When I went to my grandmother's house, I used to enjoy playing in a small vinyl house. I was very warm and fun in winter. But, In summer,
It was a hell of fire! I was surprised when I enter, becase the air was impure and so hot. I quickly got out of there. Green house effect
is not diffrent from this circumstance. Carbon dioxide is like a huge vinyle which covered the earth. Heat can't go out becase of them and
Heat is making a serious problem in the earth. We say it is "global warming"

Before we see the problems, Why global warming become a problem nowaday? In the past, carbon dioxide was not a problem. Also,
green house was not a bad phenomenon. Rather, It kept the earth's tempeture properly. But today, We have devopled th earth and
cut trees curely. So trees can't change carbon dioxide to oxygen as same as past. Also, cars and fatories helping global warming. Their
exhaust gas is fatal and include much carbon dioxide.

Heat stayed the earth, they melt a glacier, so, the surface of sea water become higher and higher. Compare to past, It is very fast
speed. But you feel, global warming have not a direct imfluence on you. However, one island, name Tuvalu is submerged in a half.
Residents lose their place to live, but nearest country say " we can't accept all of yours." They continue the lonely fight to live. polar
bears are also dying of a same reason. Melting glacier hold dowm them in a few minute. They don't have a time to avoid even. Are
you still thinking it is not related you? It can be a your situation tomorrow. And you must have a responsibilty because you are a
one of person who live the earth.

If we realize our fault and find a way to save earth from global warming, we still have a hope. There are some solution.
First, reducing a car. We can ride a bike, replacing cars. Bike is the best for halfway distance. In addtion, we can use a public transportaion
or follow 'No cars day'. Second, Planting trees and protecting wood, It sounds hard, but if we have a little concern, we can save wood.
For example, donating to enviomental protection organizion is good idea to protect a wood.

In conclusion, I think we have a enough energy to save earth from global warming. If we remind the earth is not our own
place, just borrowed plave in a short time, global warming will be disappear soon.
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PostSubject: First draft   Public Attitudes Toward Science I_icon_minitimeThu Oct 15, 2009 7:21 pm

 My school used to had a volunteer time twice a year. We used to go to the park and we got many strange trash
like rubber gloves, old shoe. When we see the trash, I and my friend frowned and even my friend was queasy.
 In fact, Korea still have a trash problem which means there are too many trash on the street and public spaces.
Recently, people throw their trash away under the tress or bury. So cleaners feel hard to clean the street. Moreover
these trash cause sickness of street trees and ground pollution

 But government doesn't concern about trash problem anymore. They just say diseases of trees are increased.
Even many scientists insist government concern about trash problem. Government should inform the problem and educate people's thinking.
They can make public service advertising and pamphlet about dirty street of waste of budget.
 Especially, Public service advertising can inform the problem effectively.
When I was a 12-year-old girl, I watched coughing trees next to the cigarette butt and I still remember the advertisement.

 Companies should make simple packing to reduce amount of trash. Last Christmas, I and my friend gave presents mutually.
but we got a trouble because of too many decorations. As a result, we went back to the gift store and threw them away.
Usually, we have like that problem when we buy some snacks and chocolate.

 We also have to try not to throw trash away. Especially, someone put trash in trees or crack of brick walls.
This action makes street cleaner felt hard. we have to think street is our face.
In my case, Going china I was surprised because the street was very clean.
Before I went to China, I have a prejudice that china is poor but after I visit there my thinking is change. Chinese try to break away from poverty.

 Trash problem can see very insignificant but trash make people feel bad and cause ground pollution.
Therefore government consider about trash problem more. Companies try to make their packing of products simple.
Of course citizen should not throw thrash away.
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PostSubject: First Feedback for So-Hee   Public Attitudes Toward Science I_icon_minitimeSat Oct 17, 2009 6:08 am

So-Hee wrote:
When I went to my grandmother's house, I used to enjoy playing in a small vinyl house. I was very warm and fun in winter. [1]But, In summer, It was a hell of fire! I was surprised when I enter, becase the air was impure and so hot. I quickly got out of there. Green house effectis not diffrent from this circumstance. Carbon dioxide is like a huge vinyle which covered the earth. Heat can't go out becase of them and Heat is making a serious problem in the earth. We say it is "global warming"

[2]Before we see the problems, Why global warming become a problem nowaday? [3]In the past, carbon dioxide was not a problem. Also, green house was not a bad phenomenon. Rather, It kept the earth's tempeture properly. [4]But today, We have devopled th earth and cut trees curely. So trees can't change carbon dioxide to oxygen as same as past. [5]Also, cars and fatories helping global warming. Their exhaust gas is fatal and include much carbon dioxide.

Heat stayed the earth, they melt a glacier, so, the surface of sea water become higher and higher. Compare to past, It is very fast speed. But you feel, global warming have not a direct imfluence on you. However, one island, name Tuvalu is submerged in a half. Residents lose their place to live, but nearest country say " we can't accept all of yours." They continue the lonely fight to live. polar bears are also dying of a same reason. Melting glacier hold dowm them in a few minute. They don't have a time to avoid even. Are you still thinking it is not related you? It can be a your situation tomorrow. And you must have a responsibilty because you are a one of person who live the earth.

If we realize our fault and find a way to save earth from global warming, we still have a hope. There are some solution. [6]First, reducing a car. We can ride a bike, replacing cars. Bike is the best for halfway distance. In addtion, we can use a public transportaion or follow 'No cars day'. Second, Planting trees and protecting wood, It sounds hard, but if we have a little concern, we can save wood. For example, donating to enviomental protection organizion is good idea to protect a wood.

In conclusion, I think we have a enough energy to save earth from global warming. If we remind the earth is not our own place, just borrowed plave in a short time, global warming will be disappear soon.


Hello So-Hee. You have some good ideas, but you really need to further develop your thoughts. You are only touching the surface with your ideas to counter global warming, and your explanation of how global warming is produced lacks development. More work needs to be done on your body paragraphs.

[1] Inappropriate English for an essay.
[2] What problems?
[3] Why wasn't carbon dioxide a problem in the past?
[4] I don't understand
[5] You might want to change the word 'help'.
[6] Making a car smaller?

Fix your grammar, capitalization, and spelling.

Write your fixed essay in a new post.


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PostSubject: First Feedback for Hyeon-Ji   Public Attitudes Toward Science I_icon_minitimeSat Oct 17, 2009 10:27 am

Hyeon-Ji wrote:
 [1]My school used to had a volunteer time twice a year. We used to go to the park and we got many strange trash like rubber gloves, old shoe. When we see the trash, I and my friend frowned and even my friend was queasy. [2]In fact, Korea still have a trash problem which means there are too many trash on the street and public spaces. [3] Recently, people throw their trash away under the tress or bury. So cleaners feel hard to clean the street. Moreover these trash cause sickness of street trees and ground pollution

 [4] But government doesn't concern about trash problem anymore. They just say diseases of trees are increased. Even many scientists insist government concern about trash problem. [5] Government should inform the problem and educate people's thinking. [6] They can make public service advertising and pamphlet about dirty street of waste of budget. Especially, Public service advertising can inform the problem effectively. [7] When I was a 12-year-old girl, I watched coughing trees next to the cigarette butt and I still remember the advertisement.

 Companies should make simple packing to reduce amount of trash. [8] Last Christmas, I and my friend gave presents mutually. but we got a trouble because of too many decorations. [9] As a result, we went back to the gift store and threw them away. Usually, we have like that problem when we buy some snacks and chocolate.

 [10] We also have to try not to throw trash away. [10] Especially, someone put trash in trees or crack of brick walls. This action makes street cleaner felt hard. we have to think street is our face. In my case, Going china I was surprised because the street was very clean. Before I went to China, I have a prejudice that china is poor but after I visit there my thinking is change. Chinese try to break away from poverty.

 Trash problem can see very insignificant but trash make people feel bad and cause ground pollution. Therefore government consider about trash problem more. Companies try to make their packing of products simple. Of course citizen should not throw thrash away.


Hello Hyeon-Ji. You have an interesting problem, but you do not tell me how this problem is science-related and you do not give any solutions to the problem. A lot of work is needed to get your second draft on track. In addition, fix your grammar, capitalization, and punctuation

[1]
A volunteer is a person. I don't understand this sentence.
[2] ‘In fact’ means actually. The problem resides in the fact that you never mentioned that trash was a problem.
[3] Is this a new problem? People did not do this before?
[4] Do you have any proof that the government doesn’t care about trash related problems? Is this your opinion or a fact? If it is a fact, present the source. If it is an opinion, support it with facts.
[5] The government should talk to the problem?
[6] What is a waste of budget? Who’s budget? The local, provincial, national budget?
[7] Sentence needs to be reworked.
[8] Who scolded you? Why did that person make it his or her business to scold you?
[9] What did you throw away?
[10] How are these two ideas related?

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PostSubject: Second draft   Public Attitudes Toward Science I_icon_minitimeMon Oct 19, 2009 8:30 pm

While I write about 'this', 'OOcity' and 'XXcity' have being disputed about 'this'. The beginning is that, The population of OOcity is risen rapidly, therefore, amount of 'this' is increased very much too. OOcity can't shoulder everything, Hence, OOcity ask XXcity to shoulder OOcity's 'this'. But XXcity insist that they have enough 'this', so they don't want to shoulder 'this' anymore. OOcity maintain they have ground pollution, because of having this too much, so they ask XXcity again to shoulder 'this'. But XXcity reject them again, OOcity people felt discontented. After a year, they still have bad mood. Don't you want to know what 'this' is? This is trash.

If we have too much trash, We will have lots of problems. These all problems are called 'trash problem'. Ground or underground water pollution are a case in point. Landfills are limited but if we ignore and bury trash endless, the ground become rotten. If the situation get worse, underground water is polluted too. It will cause skin diseases and food poisoning. The solution is making new landfills but Every people think 'Not In My Back Yard' which means people don't want to make new landfills because it makes people feeling bad.

Now we have to look for the solution. We already know what we can do. To reduce amount of trash, we should not use disposable products. Disposable products are used only once or twice and people throw it away. Therefore, Disposable products caused 'unnecessary' trash. Recycling also reduce trash. Company have to think about trash problem, too. According to recent studies, Studies say company use too much packings. Clients will throw packings away finally. Hence, company reduce packings or make new type of packings. Like some packings recycle because they are not wrinkled easily. Furthermore, they can make machine which is used to reduce trash. For example, Garbage disposals reduce food trash. Government should give benefit to inhabitants who are living near the new landfill. The good example is using methane for alternative energy which are formed from trashes. It reduce inhabitants electrical charges.

Trashed have been increased steadily, as population is increased. Moreover, Todays we can see many plastic products which can't be buried. If all people use and throw away trash especially plastic, vinyl products indiscreetly, it will causes serious trash problem. Therefore we have to try to reduce trash after reading this essay.


Last edited by Hyeon-Ji on Sat Oct 31, 2009 7:41 am; edited 5 times in total
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PostSubject: Second draft   Public Attitudes Toward Science I_icon_minitimeMon Oct 26, 2009 5:30 pm

When I went to my grandmother's house, I used to play in a small vinyl house. But, In summer, It was very hot. I was surprised when I enter, because the air was impure and hot. I quickly got out of there. Green house effects not different from this circumstance. Carbon dioxide is like a huge vinyl which covered the earth. Heat can't go out because of them and Heat is making a serious problem in the earth. We say it is "global warming

In the past, carbon dioxide didn't make problem. Rather, It kept the earth's temperature properly. But people develop the science fast, Because people wanted to live more comfortable, they invent a cars, cut the trees, and make roads. Carbon dioxide increase rapidly, trees can't change much carbon dioxide to oxygen as same as past. Also, cars and factories accelerate global warming. Their exhaust gas is fatal and include much carbon dioxide.

why global warming become a problem? Heat stayed the earth, they melt a glacier, so, the surface of sea water become higher and higher.
Compare to past, It is very fast speed. But you feel, global warming have not a direct influence on you. However, one island, name Tuvalu is submerged in a half. Residents lose their place to live, but nearest country say " we can't accept all of yours." They continue the lonely fight to live. Polar bears are also dying of a same reason. Melting glacier hold down them in a few minute. They don't have a time to avoid even. Are you still thinking it is not related you? It can be a your situation tomorrow. And you must have responsibility because you are a one of person who live the earth.

If we realize our fault and find a way to save earth from global warming, we still have a hope. There are some solution. First, reducing a number of car. Instead, we can ride a bike. Bike is the best for halfway distance. In addition, we can use a public transportation or follow 'No cars day'. Second, Planting trees and protecting wood, It sounds hard, but if we have a little concern, we can save wood. For example, donating to enviomental protection organizion is good idea to protect a wood.

In conclusion, I think we have a enough energy to save earth from global warming. We don't need to start with huge things. Walking to near place or riding a bike instead of riding a car. It looks trivial, but thinking, If all people do this, how global warming accelerate? We should remind the earth is not our own place, just borrowed place in a short time.


Last edited by So-Hee on Sun Nov 08, 2009 4:59 am; edited 3 times in total
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PostSubject: Second Feedback for Hyeon-Ji   Public Attitudes Toward Science I_icon_minitimeSun Nov 01, 2009 1:55 pm

Hyeon-Ji wrote:
While I write about 'this', 'OOcity' and 'XXcity' have being disputed about 'this'. The beginning is that, The population of OOcity is risen rapidly, therefore, amount of 'this' is increased very much too. OOcity can't shoulder everything, Hence, OOcity ask XXcity to shoulder OOcity's 'this'. But XXcity insist that they have enough 'this', so they don't want to shoulder 'this' anymore. OOcity maintain they have ground pollution, because of having this too much, so they ask XXcity again to shoulder 'this'. But XXcity reject them again, OOcity people felt discontented. After a year, they still have bad mood. Don't you want to know what 'this' is? This is trash.

[A/1]If we have too much trash, We will have lots of problems. [1]These all problems are called 'trash problem'. [-]Ground or underground water pollution are a case in point. [-]Landfills are limited but if we ignore and bury trash endless, [-]the ground become rotten. [-]If the situation get worse, underground water is polluted too. It will cause skin diseases and food poisoning. [-]The solution is making new landfills but Every people think 'Not In My Back Yard' which means people don't want to make new landfills because[2] it makes people feeling bad.

Now we have to look for the solution. We already know what we can do. To reduce amount of trash, [3]we should not use disposable products. Disposable products are used only once or twice and people throw it away. Therefore, Disposable products caused 'unnecessary' trash. Recycling also reduce trash. [-]Company have to think about trash problem, too. According to recent studies, Studies say company use too much packings. Clients will throw packings away finally. [-]Hence, company reduce packings or make new type of packings. [-]Like some packings recycle because they are not wrinkled easily. [-]Furthermore, they can make machine which is used to reduce trash. For example, Garbage disposals reduce food trash. [4]Government should give benefit to inhabitants who are living near the new landfill. [5]The good example is using methane for alternative energy which are formed from trashes. [-]It reduce inhabitants electrical charges.

[-]Trashed have been increased steadily, as population is increased. Moreover, Todays we can see many plastic products which can't be buried. If all people use and throw away trash especially plastic, vinyl products indiscreetly, [-]it will causes serious trash problem. Therefore we have to try to reduce trash after reading this essay.

Overall this is a good second draft Hyeon-Ji. You have put forward a problem, you have tried to explain the problem and you have put forward some ideas on how to cope with the problem. Look at the points below on ways to better your essay.

I like your introduction Hyeon-Ji. It is original and it is intriguing. What I would look at changing in your introduction is ‘OOcity’ and ‘XXcity’. The lack of a concrete name makes your introduction a little weak. By writing the name of two cities you are adding reality to your introduction.

**Remember, not everything you write needs to be true.

[1] To avoid repetition put the two sentences together.
[2] Explain this idea. I don't really understand.
[3] Disposable trash is trash we can dispose of (put in the trash). You probably want to change this. If we don't use disposable trash, what are we supposed to use? Give an alternative.
[4] Does some really want to live near a landfill? Probably not! Knowing that landfills have a negative effect on people's health, do you really believe that people will accept any kind of incentive? If you do, what kind of benefits do you think people will accept?
[5] Is this idea of methane gas for everybody? If it is, then it is not a benefit for only those living next to a landfill. If, on the other hand, this is the benefit to those living next to a landfill then it isn't enough.

packings This is not a word

[-] grammar mistake(s)

[A] What kind of trash is causing the problems you are describing?
Remember the question? Science-related problem. How is trash a science-related problem?

Write your final draft in a new post.
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PostSubject: Final Draft   Public Attitudes Toward Science I_icon_minitimeMon Nov 09, 2009 5:17 pm

While I write about 'this', 'Seoul' and 'Gang Nam' have being disputed about 'this'. The beginning is that, The population of Gang Nam is risen rapidly, therefore, amount of 'this' is increased very much too. Gang Nam can't shoulder everything, Hence, Gang Nam ask Seoul to shoulder Gang Nam's 'this'. But Seoul insist that they have enough 'this', so they don't want to shoulder 'this' anymore. Gang Nam maintain they have ground pollution, because of having this too much, so they ask Seoul again to shoulder 'this'. But Seoul reject them again, Gang Nam people felt discontented. After a year, they still have bad mood. Don't you want to know what 'this' is? This is trash.

If we have too much trash, We will have lots of problems and these are called 'trash problem'. Ground pollution and underground water pollution are cases in point. I will Explain more about it. Landfill is limited but if we ignore and bury trash endlessly, the ground will be rotten. If the situation get worsen, underground water is polluted too. It will cause skin diseases and food poisoning. [-]The solution is making new landfills but most people think 'Not In My Back Yard' which means people don't want to make new landfills. Because landfill make odor and garbage wagons make noisy people don't want to make landfill.

Now we have to look for the solution. We already know what we can do. To reduce amount of trash, we should reduce using disposable products. Disposable products are used only once or twice and people throw it away. Therefore, Disposable products caused 'unnecessary' trash. Recycling also reduce trash. Company has to think about trash problem, too. According to recent studies, Studies say company use too much packings. Clients will throw packings away finally. Hence, company reduces packing papers or makes new type of packing papers. Like some packing papers can be recycled easily because they are not wrinkled easily. Furthermore, company can make machine which is used to reduce trashes. For example, Garbage disposals reduce food trash. Government should give benefit to inhabitants who are living near the new landfill. The good example is using methane for alternative energy which are formed from trashes. It reduces inhabitants electrical charges.

Trashes have been increased steadily, as population is increased. Moreover, Todays we can see many plastic products which can't be buried. If all people use and throw away trash especially plastic, vinyl products indiscreetly, it will cause serious trash problem. Therefore we have to try to reduce trash after reading this essay.


ING
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PostSubject: Final Feedback & Grade for Hyeon-Ji   Public Attitudes Toward Science I_icon_minitimeWed Dec 02, 2009 11:49 am

Hyeon-Ji wrote:
While I write about 'this', 'Seoul' and 'Gang Nam' have being disputed about 'this'. The beginning is that, The population of Gang Nam is risen rapidly, therefore, amount of 'this' is increased very much too. Gang Nam can't shoulder everything, Hence, Gang Nam ask Seoul to shoulder Gang Nam's 'this'. But Seoul insist that they have enough 'this', so they don't want to shoulder 'this' anymore. Gang Nam maintain they have ground pollution, because of having this too much, so they ask Seoul again to shoulder 'this'. But Seoul reject them again, Gang Nam people felt discontented. After a year, they still have bad mood. Don't you want to know what 'this' is? This is trash.

If we have too much trash, We will have lots of problems and these are called 'trash problem'. Ground pollution and underground water pollution are cases in point. I will Explain more about it. Landfill is limited but if we ignore and bury trash endlessly, the ground will be rotten. If the situation get worsen, underground water is polluted too. It will cause skin diseases and food poisoning. The solution is making new landfills but most people think 'Not In My Back Yard' which means people don't want to make new landfills. Because landfill make odor and garbage wagons make noisy people don't want to make landfill.

Now we have to look for the solution. We already know what we can do. To reduce amount of trash, we should reduce using disposable products. Disposable products are used only once or twice and people throw it away. Therefore, Disposable products caused 'unnecessary' trash. Recycling also reduce trash. Company has to think about trash problem, too. According to recent studies, Studies say company use too much packings. Clients will throw packings away finally. Hence, company reduces packing papers or makes new type of packing papers. Like some packing papers can be recycled easily because they are not wrinkled easily. Furthermore, company can make machine which is used to reduce trashes. For example, Garbage disposals reduce food trash. Government should give benefit to inhabitants who are living near the new landfill. The good example is using methane for alternative energy which are formed from trashes. It reduces inhabitants electrical charges.

Trashes have been increased steadily, as population is increased. Moreover, Todays we can see many plastic products which can't be buried. If all people use and throw away trash especially plastic, vinyl products indiscreetly, it will cause serious trash problem. Therefore we have to try to reduce trash after reading this essay.


ING

Overall this is a good effort. You present a problem which is related to science (but you struggle making the link), you explain the problem fairly well and you put forward solutions to the problem you have indicated. There is room for improvement, but for a first on-line writtten essay this is a good attempt.

1. Mechanics = B+ > You have the necessary elements of an essay, with your introduction being the strongest of your paragraphs. You present some good arguments and do well at supporting them. The biggest problem is your conclusion. It seems to be introducing more ideas rather than bringing your essay to an end.

2. Language Use = C > Throughout the writing process you were able to diminish the amount of errors you produced, however in your final product there is still too many mistakes that were made, but could have been avoided (capitalization).

3. Topic Development = B > You presented a very interesting problem, but you struggled with linking the problem to science. Had you been able to demonstrate that the problems derived by the high amount of trash is science related, you would have recorded a higher grade.

4. Impression on the Reader = B+ I can see that you tried hard to present a well balanced argument and worked hard to support your ideas. The changes you made throughout the drafts show your dedication to make a strong essay.

Final Grade: B


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PostSubject: Second Feedback for So-Hee   Public Attitudes Toward Science I_icon_minitimeThu Dec 03, 2009 10:04 am

So-Hee wrote:
When I went to my grandmother's house, I used to play in a small vinyl house. But, In summer, It was very hot. I was surprised when I enter, because the air was impure and hot. I quickly got out of there. Green house effects not different from this circumstance. [1]Carbon dioxide is like a huge vinyl which covered the earth. [2]Heat can't go out because of them and Heat is making a serious problem in the earth. We say it is "global warming

[----]In the past, carbon dioxide didn't make problem. Rather, It kept the earth's temperature properly. But people develop the science fast, Because people wanted to live more comfortable, they invent a cars, cut the trees, and make roads. Carbon dioxide increase rapidly, trees can't change much carbon dioxide to oxygen as same as past. Also, cars and factories accelerate global warming. Their exhaust gas is fatal and include much carbon dioxide.

[A]why global warming become a problem? Heat stayed the earth, they melt a glacier, so, the surface of sea water become higher and higher. Compare to past, It is very fast speed. But you feel, global warming have not a direct influence on you. However, one island, name Tuvalu is submerged in a half. Residents lose their place to live, but nearest country say " we can't accept all of yours." They continue the lonely fight to live. Polar bears are also dying of a same reason. Melting glacier hold down them in a few minute. They don't have a time to avoid even. Are you still thinking it is not related you? It can be a your situation tomorrow. And you must have responsibility because you are a one of person who live the earth.

[B]If we realize our fault and find a way to save earth from global warming, we still have a hope. There are some solution. First, reducing a number of car. Instead, we can ride a bike. Bike is the best for halfway distance. In addition, we can use a public transportation or follow 'No cars day'. [3]Second, Planting trees and protecting wood, It sounds hard, but if we have a little concern, we can save wood. For example, donating to enviomental protection organizion is good idea to protect a wood.

In conclusion, I think we have a enough energy to save earth from global warming. We don't need to start with huge things. Walking to near place or riding a bike instead of riding a car. It looks trivial, but thinking, If all people do this, how global warming accelerate? We should remind the earth is not our own place, just borrowed place in a short time.



This is good second draft. You have a good science related problem, do fairly well at describing it and do very well at enumerating a few solutions we can take into account in order to combat global warming. That said, you really need to look at your grammar and spelling. You are making errors that are easily avoidable.

Look at your capitalization. Words should be capitalized in the middle of a sentence unless it's a proper name. Look at your verbs. Are they agreeing in mode and tense?

[1] Does it not surround the Earth today?
[2] Who is them?
[A] This paragraph has some good ideas and supporting examples. You need to reread your paragraph to ensure that you are using the right verb tenses, and that all of your pronouns have references.
[3] Change 'wood' to 'forests'
[B] I like this paragraph. You have some real solutions to the problem of global warming. Do you know of any organization one may be able to donate to in order to help protect wooded areas around the world? Mentioning a certain group would make this paragraph stronger than what it is at the moment.
[C] Your conclusion does well at presenting the problem you put forward and a solution to that problem. Your final thought is also good.
[4] "...remind the earth" or ... remind ourselves that Earth ...?
[---] Look very carefully at your verbs.

Rewrite your final draft in a new post.
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PostSubject: final draft   Public Attitudes Toward Science I_icon_minitimeSat Dec 19, 2009 5:04 am

When I went to my grandmother's house, I used to play in a small vinyl house. But, In summer, It was very hot. I was surprised when I enter, because the air was impure and hot. I quickly got out of there. Green house effects not different from this circumstance. Gases are
like a huge vinyl which covered the earth. The problem is that gases increase too much. Heat can't go out because of gases and heat is
making a serious problem in the earth. We say it is "global warming

In the past, carbon dioxide didn't make problem. Rather, It kept the earth's temperature properly. But people developed the science fast, Because people wanted to live more comfortable. They invent cars, cut the trees, and made roads. Carbon dioxide increases rapidly. Trees can't change much carbon dioxide to oxygen as same as past. Also, cars and factories accelerate global warming. Their exhaust gases are fatal and include much carbon dioxide.

Why global warming becomes a problem? Heat stay the earth, they melt a glacier. So, the surface of seawater becomes higher and higher. Compare to past, it is very fast speed. But you feel, global warming has not a direct influence on you. However, one island, name Tuvalu is submerged in a half. Residents lose their place to live, but nearest country say "We can't accept all of yours." They continue the lonely fight to live. Polar bears are also dying of a same reason. Melting glacier holds down them in a few minutes. They don't have a time to avoid even. Are you still thinking it is not related you? It can be a your situation tomorrow. And you must have responsibility because you are a one of person who lives the earth.

If we realize our fault and find a way to save earth from global warming, we still have a hope. There are some solutions. First, reducing a number of cars. Instead, we can ride a bike. Bike is the best for halfway distance. In addition, we can use a public transportation or follow 'No cars day'. Second, Planting trees and protecting forests, It sounds hard, but if we have a little concern, we can save forests. For example, donating to environmental protection organization like Green peace is good idea to protect a wood.

In conclusion, I think we have enough energy to save earth from global warming. We don't need to start with huge things. Walking to near place or riding a bike instead of riding a car. It looks trivial, but thinking, If all people do this, how global warming accelerates? We should remind ourselves that the earth is not our own place, just borrowed place in a short time.
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PostSubject: Final Feedback & Grade for So-Hee   Public Attitudes Toward Science I_icon_minitimeThu Dec 24, 2009 6:00 am

So-Hee wrote:

When I went to my grandmother's house, I used to play in a small vinyl house. But, In summer, It was very hot. I was surprised when I enter, because the air was impure and hot. I quickly got out of there. Green house effects not different from this circumstance. Gases are like a huge vinyl which covered the earth. The problem is that gases increase too much. Heat can't go out because of gases and heat is making a serious problem in the earth. We say it is "global warming.

In the past, carbon dioxide didn't make problem. Rather, It kept the earth's temperature properly. But people developed the science fast, Because people wanted to live more comfortable. They invent cars, cut the trees, and made roads. Carbon dioxide increases rapidly. Trees can't change much carbon dioxide to oxygen as same as past. Also, cars and factories accelerate global warming. Their exhaust gases are fatal and include much carbon dioxide.

Why global warming becomes a problem? Heat stay the earth, they melt a glacier. So, the surface of seawater becomes higher and higher. Compare to past, it is very fast speed. But you feel, global warming has not a direct influence on you. However, one island, name Tuvalu is submerged in a half. Residents lose their place to live, but nearest country say "We can't accept all of yours." They continue the lonely fight to live. Polar bears are also dying of a same reason. Melting glacier holds down them in a few minutes. They don't have a time to avoid even. Are you still thinking it is not related you? It can be a your situation tomorrow. And you must have responsibility because you are a one of person who lives the earth.

If we realize our fault and find a way to save earth from global warming, we still have a hope. There are some solutions. First, reducing a number of cars. Instead, we can ride a bike. Bike is the best for halfway distance. In addition, we can use a public transportation or follow 'No cars day'. Second, Planting trees and protecting forests, It sounds hard, but if we have a little concern, we can save forests. For example, donating to environmental protection organization like Green peace is good idea to protect a wood.

In conclusion, I think we have enough energy to save earth from global warming. We don't need to start with huge things. Walking to near place or riding a bike instead of riding a car. It looks trivial, but thinking, If all people do this, how global warming accelerates? We should remind ourselves that the earth is not our own place, just borrowed place in a short time.

I like your introduction. You use a very good example to introduce your topic. That is excellent work!

1. Mechanics = B+ >

2. Language Use = C >

3. Topic Development = B >

4. Impression on the Reader = B+

Final Grade: B
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