The Small Room

Subject: The Small Room Fri Sep 25, 2009 7:38 am

In chapter one, we learn that Eric, Neal and Julie became best friends in kindergarten. Write a story about the time Eric, Neal and Julie got stuck in a tree..
Use and underline 10 words from your vocabulary list.

Name	Written	Do Again	Do Again	FINISH
Luke	ㅁ	X	X	Good
Hyeon-Jin	ㅁ	X	X	Good
Andy	ㅁ	ㅁ	ㅁ	Good
Sang-Jun	ㅁ	X	X	X
Name	X	X	X	X
Name	X	X	X	X
Name	X	X	X	X
Name	X	X	X	X
Name	X	X	X	X
Name	X	X	X	X
Name	X	X	X	X

Posts : 23 Join date : 2009-09-28

Eric, Neal, Julie were playing inthe kindergarden they saw a dusty tree. under the tree there was a chest inside the chest there was lot's of junk. So when the teacher went out she smaked the door. because she was sleepy. They were suppose to play but they didn't played. when the teacher appeared so they played the teacher slumped on the desk she fall asleep.They play throwing when Neal throw the ball he throw it and the window broke, Julie ducked. Because she was sitting by the window. They were bored they saw the tree so Eric said "lets climb the tree!" so Eric climb the tree but Neal didn't so Julie draged so the friends went up the tree . when the the teacher woke up they waved to the teacher

Posts : 22 Join date : 2009-09-28

Neal get out with a stuff like chest. Eric and Julie want to see what's in the treasure chest. Neal started to run. Eric and Julie dashed after him. Just then Eric appeared in front of Neal. "What's in there?" Eric asked. Neal hide in his hideout. They followed, too. They ran into a dusty room. They sighed. Just then Eric grabbed the chest and ran out. "You are great. Now open the chest." said Julie. "No, don't!" Neal cried. They ran into the junk. Neal hide and peek at Eric. "Oh, no." Neal ran to Eric as fast as he could. They went into some basement that are full of bolts. Laster, they went outside. A gale blew. One of the branches went down and caught Eric, Julie, and Neal. "Oh brother, now what am I going to do." said Neal. Eric opened the chest. There was a smelly old socks.

Subject: Feedback for Hyeon-Jin Sun Oct 11, 2009 7:30 pm

Hyeon-Jin wrote:: Eric, Neal, Julie were playing they saw a dusty tree. under the tree there was a chest inside the chest there was lot's of junk. So when the teacher went out she smaked the door. They were suppose to play they didn't played. when the teacher appeared so they played the teacher slumped on the desk she fall asleep.They play throwing when Neal throw the ball he throw it and thew window broke, Julie ducked. They were bored they saw the tree so Eric said "lets climb the tree!" so Eric climb the tree but Neal didn't so Julie draged so the friends went up the tree . when the the teacher woke up they waved to the teacher

Well done Hyeon-Jin. Your story has some very interesting events. I like the part about Julie dragging Neal up the tree. That is really funny.

Remember, the first letter that follows a period[.] must be a capital letter.

Quote :: Eric, Neal, Julie were playing they saw a dusty tree. under the tree there was a chest inside the chest there was lot's of junk.

= Eric, Neal, Julie were playing they saw a dusty tree. Under the tree there was a chest inside the chest there was lot's of junk.

Subject: Feedback for Luke Thu Oct 22, 2009 9:52 am

Luke1502 wrote:: Neal get out with a stuff like chest. Eric and Julie want to see what's in the treasure chest. Neal started to run. Eric and Julie dashed after him. Just then Eric appeared in front of Neal. "What's in there?" Eric asked. Neal hide in his hideout. They followed, too. They ran into a dusty room. They sighed. Just then Eric grabbed the chest and ran out. "You are great. Now open the chest." said Julie. "No, don't!" Neal cried. They ran into the junk.Neal hide and peek at Eric. "Oh, no." Neal ran to Eric as fast as he could. They went into some basement that are full of bolts. Laster, they went outside. A gale blew. One of the branches went down and caught Eric, Julie, and Neal. "Oh brother, now what am I going to do." said Neal. Eric opened the chest. There was a smelly old socks.

Hi Luke. This story is very funny. It is easy to follow and I really like the ending. It is surprising and funny.

Be careful. When writing about things that happened 'yesterday' your verbs need to be in the past tense. For example:

Quote :: Eric and Julie want to see what's in the treasure chest.

= Eric and Julie wanted to see what was in the treasure chest.

Posts : 15 Join date : 2009-11-29

Eric,Neal and Julie were playing in kidergarten they saw dusty tree.
Sunddenly Neal take junks and throwing to dusty tree. So Eric flicked to Neal.
accidentally dusty tree is broken. Julie saw someone peek us. Julie throw
stuffs to him.julie supposed terrible thing. because if he tell police we will be
die. they went hideout they chase him drag him to hideout.
Eric,Neal and Julie said ' If you said that thing i will kill you' say ok. reply. and he said ok.
and Neal said i will mustn't throw junks.......

Subject: Feedback for Andy Fri Dec 04, 2009 7:07 pm

Andy wrote:: Eric,Neal and Julie were playing in kidergarten they saw dusty tree.
Sunddenly Neal take junks and throwing to dusty tree. So Eric flicked to Neal.
accidentally dusty tree is broken. Julie saw someone peek us. Julie throw
stuffs to him.julie supposed terrible thing. because if he tell police we will be
die. they went hideout they chase him drag him to hideout.
Eric,Neal and Julie said ' If you said that thing i will kill you' say ok. reply. and he said ok.
and Neal said i will mustn't throw junks.......

Hello Andy. This is a good effort. I see that you were able to use 10 words quite well and this story is quite interesting. There is a little problem. I don't know why or how Julie, Neal and Eric got stuck in the tree.

You need to write a story explaining how the three friends got stuck in a tree. Can you write your story again please. Type it in a new post.

Posts : 15 Join date : 2009-11-29

At 26the march 2009 Eric,Neal and Julie went the kidergarten. because they want see tree.
Sunddenly Neal take junks and throwing to dusty tree. So Eric flicked to Neal.
accidentally dusty tree is broken. Julie saw someone peek us. Julie throw
stuffs to him.julie supposed terrible thing. because if he tell police we will be
die. they went hideout they chase him drag him to hideout.
Eric,Neal and Julie said ' If you said that thing i will kill you' say ok. reply. and he said ok.
and Neal said i will mustn't throw junks.......

Subject: Second Feedback for Andy Tue Dec 08, 2009 7:15 pm

Andy wrote:: At 26the march 2009 Eric,Neal and Julie went the kidergarten. because they want see tree.
Sunddenly Neal take junks and throwing to dusty tree. So Eric flicked to Neal.
accidentally dusty tree is broken. Julie saw someone peek us. Julie throw
stuffs to him.julie supposed terrible thing. because if he tell police we will be
die. they went hideout they chase him drag him to hideout.
Eric,Neal and Julie said ' If you said that thing i will kill you' say ok. reply. and he said ok.
and Neal said i will mustn't throw junks.......

Good effort Andy. Looking at your story, I see that you have a little trouble answering the question. Your story is interesting, but it is still not fully answering the question.

Imagine that Julie, Neal and Eric are 5 years old and are going to kindergarten. Today, they are all going to get stuck in a truck. How do they get stuck in the tree? Write a story about how they get stuvck in the tree.

Watch the spelling and look at your verb tenses. Your story should be in the past tense or present tense, but not both

Write your final draft in a new post.

Posts : 15 Join date : 2009-11-29

At 26the march 2009 Eric,Neal and Julie went the kidergarten. because they want see tree. suddenly they saw teacher and they climb tree but they stuck in a tree. teacher is take Eric,Neal and Julie. Eric hit teacher and they run away. Neal take Junk and throw to tree Eric flicked Neal. accidentally dusty tree is broken. Julie saw someone peek us julie throw stuff

to him.julie supposed terrible thing. because if he tell police we will be
die. they went hideout they chase him drag him to hideout.
Eric,Neal and Julie said ' If you said that thing i will kill you' say ok. reply. and he said ok.
and Neal said i will mustn't throw junks.......

Subject: Final Feedback for Andy Mon Dec 14, 2009 6:39 am

Andy wrote:: At 26the march 2009 Eric,Neal and Julie went the kidergarten. because they want see tree. suddenly they saw teacher and they climb tree but they stuck in a tree. teacher is take Eric,Neal and Julie. Eric hit teacher and they run away. Neal take Junk and throw to tree Eric flicked Neal. accidentally dusty tree is broken. Julie saw someone peek us julie throw stuff to him.julie supposed terrible thing. because if he tell police we will be die. they went hideout they chase him drag him to hideout. Eric,Neal and Julie said ' If you said that thing i will kill you' say ok. reply. and he said ok. and Neal said i will mustn't throw junks.......

Well done Andy. In your final draft you were able to explain why the kids were in the tree and how they got there. Your story is interesting with some action and a nice moral ending. Good effort. Look at the undedrlined sentences in the text below. They are corrections of your writing.

On the 26 of March 2009, Eric, Neal and Julie went the kidergarten because they wanted to see a tree. Suddenly they saw a teacher and they climbed the tree but they got stuck in the tree. The teacher took Eric,Neal and Julie. Eric hit the teacher and they ran away. Neal took junk and he threw it on the tree. Eric flicked Neal. Accidentally the dusty tree broke. Julie saw someone peeking at them so Julie threw stuff at him. Julie supposed terrible things because if he told the police they would die. They went to their hideout. They chased him and dragged him to the hideout. Eric, Neal and Julie said ' If you say something I will kill you' say ok. He replied and he said ok. And Neal said "I mustn't throw junk".

Posts : 17 Join date : 2009-12-03

Eric was sighed in old tree. because he broke Julie's glassdoll.
The kindergarten in old tree was great hideout place, but unlucky,Julie was already knew that.
"Eric!!!! come here down in 3second!!!!!!!" she shouted. "boohoo ..... Eric help....... I became hostage boohoo....."Neal cried.
Eric replied Neal. " Neal! please endure slightly! I will help you!" old tree was high. so julie could't climbed tree.
she grumbled.but Eric isn't comming.Eric knew julie's character. If Eric come to down, Julie kill him.
"ha... didn't you come here....?" Julie searched the thrower. and she look Neal. And she threw Neal for tree.
"ah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Neal scream.Accidentally....after Eric and Neal appeared.they fall down tree!
Julie is smiled. first, she dragged him and she slanted her bat. that day, Julie eat delicious Eric meat.

Subject: First Feedback for Sang-Jun Tue Dec 22, 2009 4:14 pm

Sang-Jun wrote:: Eric was sighed in old tree. because he broke Julie's glassdoll.
The kindergarten in old tree was great hideout place, but unlucky,Julie was already knew that.
"Eric!!!! come here down in 3second!!!!!!!" she shouted. "boohoo ..... Eric help....... I became hostage boohoo....."Neal cried.
Eric replied Neal. " Neal! please endure slightly! I will help you!" old tree was high. so julie could't climbed tree.
she grumbled.but Eric isn't comming.Eric knew julie's character. If Eric come to down, Julie kill him.
"ha... didn't you come here....?" Julie searched the thrower. and she look Neal. And she threw Neal for tree.
"ah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Neal scream.Accidentally....after Eric and Neal appeared.they fall down tree!
Julie is smiled. first, she dragged him and she slanted her bat. that day, Julie eat delicious Eric meat.

This is a good first draft Sang-Jun. Well done! Your story is interesting. I really liked reading it. You do however need to change the ending because Neal, Julie and Eric become best of friends on this day.

You have a little difficulty using the 'BE' verb. Here are a few things you should know about the 'BE' verb.
We use the 'BE' verb with:

1. The present continuous and the past continuous. -> I am skating. She was studying.
2. A state of mind or feeling. -> It is angry. I am bored.
3. An adjective. -> It is yellow.
4. A noun. -> It is a pen.

The parts in indigo are problems with the 'BE' verb. Words that are bolded need to be capitalized.

Eric was sighed in old tree. because he broke Julie's glassdoll. The kindergarten in old tree was great hideout place, but unlucky,Julie was already knew that. "Eric!!!! come here down in 3second!!!!!!!" she shouted. "boohoo ..... Eric help....... I became hostage boohoo....."Neal cried. Eric replied Neal. " Neal! please endure slightly! I will help you!" old tree was high. so julie could't climbed tree. she grumbled.but Eric isn't comming. Eric knew julie's character. If Eric come to down, Julie kill him. "ha... didn't you come here....?" Julie searched the thrower. and she look Neal. And she threw Neal for tree."ah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Neal scream.Accidentally....after Eric and Neal appeared.they fall down tree! Julie is smiled. first, she dragged him and she slanted her bat. that day, Julie eat delicious Eric meat.

Please fix all your errors, and write your essay in a new post.

Posts : 17 Join date : 2009-12-03

Eric sighed in the old tree because he broke Julie's glassdoll.
The the old tree in the kindergarten old tree was great hideout, but unlucky,Julie knew that already.
"Eric!!!! come down here in 3seconds!!!!!!!" she shouted. "boohoo ..... Eric help....... I'm a hostage boohoo....."Neal cried.
Eric replied Neal. " Neal! please endure slightly! I will help you!" old tree was high. so julie could't climbed tree.
she grumbled.but Eric wasn't coming.Eric knew julie's character. If Eric come down, Julie would killed him.
"ha...you don't want come down...?" Julie searched for some thing to Throw. she looked Neal. And she threw Neal at the tree.
"ah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Neal scream.Accidentally....after Eric and Neal appeared.they fall down tree!
Julie smiled. first, she dragged Eric and she slanted her bat. that day, Julie eat delicious Eric meat.