| Write On page 7 | |
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Admin Admin
Posts : 358 Join date : 2009-09-23 Age : 49 Location : Changwon, Korea / Ottawa, Canada
| Subject: Write On page 7 Wed Feb 03, 2010 2:59 pm | |
| Choose one of the topics sentences given in your book on page 7. Write a paragraph making your topic sentence the first sentence. The rewrite your paragraph placing your topic sentence in a different position within your paragraph.Name | 1st writing | 2nd writing | 3rd writing | Grade | Harold | do again | Very Good | XXX | Very Good | Hye-Jin | do again | do again | XXX | XXX | Hyeon-Joong | do again | do again | Very Good | Very Good | Yoon-Ah | do again | do again | Excellent | Excellent | Sang-Jun | do again | do again | XXX | XXX | Name | XXX | XXX | XXX | XXX | Name | XXX | XXX | XXX | XXX | Name | XXX | XXX | XXX | XXX | Name | XXX | XXX | XXX | XXX | Name | XXX | XXX | XXX | XXX | FBC = feedback coming TBG = to be graded
Last edited by Admin on Mon Mar 01, 2010 12:35 pm; edited 11 times in total | |
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Yoon-Ha
Posts : 36 Join date : 2009-10-01
| Subject: photos help me to rememger good time. Mon Feb 08, 2010 8:51 pm | |
| Photos help me to remember good time. maybe most people can agree with this.All people have their own photo. we can take good views, experiences, situations and good times on the photos. photos keep our important remembrance. Therefore, we can crying and smiling with seeing photos. Also person who is tired can remind their purpose that they had dreamed.How about finding your old photos and enjoy it with your family?lt could be fun. | |
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Harold
Posts : 40 Join date : 2009-09-28
| Subject: Photos help me remember Good Times Tue Feb 09, 2010 4:11 pm | |
| Photos help me remember good times. Like I some times say " Photos are only thing that remain after the trip " Photos onced helped me remember the amazing scenery of ' sunrise at Homigot ' | |
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Hyeon-Joong
Posts : 28 Join date : 2009-09-24
| Subject: My younger brother Thu Feb 11, 2010 2:42 pm | |
| My younger brother has been a great bad boy. I've been fighting with him for a long time. I've used many ways to stop my brother, but he never stops. So we fight again and again. but, my mother always rebuke me but my brother [has] never rebuked by mom[so,] I think this is unfair.
Last edited by Hyeon-Joong on Tue Feb 16, 2010 2:31 pm; edited 1 time in total | |
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Hye-Jin
Posts : 37 Join date : 2009-09-28
| Subject: Ilove to walk in the park at the spring. Mon Feb 15, 2010 11:59 am | |
| I love to walk in the park at spring.I see flowers every where. Then I alk through the flowers and butterflies are flying alll over the flowers every where. And it is a very beautiful sight. | |
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Sang-Jun
Posts : 17 Join date : 2009-12-03
| Subject: I hate wearing a jacket. Mon Feb 15, 2010 8:23 pm | |
| When I'm going to outside, I don't wear a coat or jacket in the winter. Because I hate clinging(It is diffrent meaning of clining. Hmm.... interrupting and annoying thing?)things. So I only wear one clothes in the cold day beneath 0˚ temperature. But in the very cold day down -5˚ temperature, I should wear the coat or jacket. So I hate 'very cold day'. The next time, I'll have the jacket when I go to outside. | |
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Admin Admin
Posts : 358 Join date : 2009-09-23 Age : 49 Location : Changwon, Korea / Ottawa, Canada
| Subject: Feedback for Yoon-Ha Tue Feb 16, 2010 8:19 am | |
| - Yoon-Ha wrote:
- Photos help me to remember good time. maybe most people can agree with this. All people have their own photo. we can take good views, experiences, situations and good times on the photos. photos keep our important remembrance. Therefore, we can crying and smiling with seeing [__]photos. Also person who is tired can [___] remind [___] their purpose that they had dreamed [___]. How about finding your old photos and enjoy it with your family? lt could be fun.
This is very good work Yoon-Ah! I like the effort you put into writing this. I like your ideas. Good work. Please fix your mistakes in a new post.
Change the word = I saw three hours of cartoons on TV. Fix the mistake = I last the ball. // I am do my homework. // i forgot my book. Erase a word = I lost the the ball. Add a word = [___]
Last edited by Admin on Sat Feb 27, 2010 6:53 am; edited 1 time in total | |
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Admin Admin
Posts : 358 Join date : 2009-09-23 Age : 49 Location : Changwon, Korea / Ottawa, Canada
| Subject: Feedback for Harold Tue Feb 16, 2010 8:24 am | |
| - Harold wrote:
- Photos help me remember good times. Like I some times say " Photos are [___] only thing that remain after the trip[___]" Photos onced helped me remember the amazing scenery of
' [___] sunrise at Homigot ' I like your paragraph Harold! It is simple to read and answers the task very well. Good work. Please fix your mistakes in a new post.
Change the word = I saw three hours of cartoons on TV. Fix the mistake = I last the ball. // I am do my homework. // i forgot my book. Erase a word = I lost the the ball. Add a word = [___]
Last edited by Admin on Sat Feb 27, 2010 6:53 am; edited 1 time in total | |
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Admin Admin
Posts : 358 Join date : 2009-09-23 Age : 49 Location : Changwon, Korea / Ottawa, Canada
| Subject: Feedback for Hye-Jin Tue Feb 16, 2010 8:41 am | |
| - Hye-Jin wrote:
- I love to walk in the park at [__] spring. I see flowers every where. Then I alk through the flowers and butterflies
are flying alll over the flowers every where. And it is a very beautiful sight. This is good work Hye-Jin! Your description is beautiful. I can imaging walking in the park during the spring. Please fix your mistakes in a new post.
Change the word = I saw three hours of cartoons on TV. Fix the mistake = I last the ball. // I am do my homework. // i forgot my book. Erase a word = I lost the the ball. Add a word = [___]
Last edited by Admin on Sat Feb 27, 2010 6:54 am; edited 1 time in total | |
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Admin Admin
Posts : 358 Join date : 2009-09-23 Age : 49 Location : Changwon, Korea / Ottawa, Canada
| Subject: Feedback for Hyeon-Joong Tue Feb 16, 2010 8:44 am | |
| - Hyeon-Joong wrote:
- My younger brother has been a great bad boy. I've been fighting with him for a long time. I've used many ways to stop my brother, but he never stops. So we fight again and again.
but, my mother always rebuke me but my brother [___] never rebuked by mom[__] I think this is unfair. This is very good work Hyeon-Joong! I like your story and I know exactly what you mean. It's not easy being the biggest around and having to not hit your little brother when he bothers you. Good work. Please fix your mistakes in a new post.
Change the word = I saw three hours of cartoons on TV. Fix the mistake = I last the ball. // I am do my homework. // i forgot my book. Erase a word = I lost the the ball. Add a word = [___]
Last edited by Admin on Sat Feb 27, 2010 6:54 am; edited 1 time in total | |
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Admin Admin
Posts : 358 Join date : 2009-09-23 Age : 49 Location : Changwon, Korea / Ottawa, Canada
| Subject: Feedback for Sang-Jun Tue Feb 16, 2010 9:18 am | |
| - Sang-Jun wrote:
- When I'm going
to outside, I don't wear a coat or jacket in the winter. Because I hate clinging(It is diffrent meaning of clining. Hmm.... interrupting and annoying thing?)things. So I only wear one clothes in the cold day beneath 0˚ temperature. But in the very cold day down -5˚ temperature, I should wear the coat or jacket. So I hate 'very cold day'. The next time, I'll have the jacket when I go to outside. This is very good work Sang-Jun! I understand that you might not clining clothes but best being healthy than sick. Wouldn't you agree? Good work. Please fix your mistakes in a new post.
(It is diffrent meaning of clining. = clining is not a word
Change the word = I saw three hours of cartoons on TV. Fix the mistake = I last the ball. // I am do my homework. // i forgot my book. Erase a word = I lost the the ball. Add a word = [___]
Last edited by Admin on Sat Feb 27, 2010 9:21 am; edited 2 times in total | |
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Yoon-Ha
Posts : 36 Join date : 2009-10-01
| Subject: Re: Write On page 7 Thu Feb 18, 2010 5:42 am | |
| Photos help me to remember good memories. Maybe most people can agree with this. All people have their own photos. We can take good views, experiences, situations and good times on the photos. Photos keep our important memories. Therefore,When we see the photos we can cry and smile. Also person who is tired can recall their purpose that they had dreamed for. How about finding your old photos and enjoying it with your family? lt could be fun. | |
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Harold
Posts : 40 Join date : 2009-09-28
| Subject: Photos help me remember Good Times Fri Feb 19, 2010 1:54 pm | |
| Photos help me remember good times. Like I sometimes say " Photos are the only things that remain after the trip " Photos once helped me remember the amazing scenery of 'the sunrise at Homigot' | |
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Sang-Jun
Posts : 17 Join date : 2009-12-03
| Subject: I hate wearing a jacket Mon Feb 22, 2010 6:33 am | |
| When I'm going outside, I don't wear a coat or jacket in the winter. Because I hate clinging things. So I only wear one clothes on the cold beneath 0˚ temperature. But on the very cold time down -5˚ temperature, I should wear a coat or jacket. So I hate 'very cold time'. The next time, I'll have a jacket when I go outside. | |
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Hyeon-Joong
Posts : 28 Join date : 2009-09-24
| Subject: my younger brother Mon Feb 22, 2010 9:04 pm | |
| My younger brother has been a great bad boy. I've been fighting with him for a long time. I've used many ways to stop my brother, but he never stops. So we fight again and again. but, my mother always rebuke me but my brother [has] never rebuked by mom[so,] I think this is unfair.
Last edited by Hyeon-Joong on Tue 16 Feb 2010 - 18:01; edited 1 time in total | |
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Admin Admin
Posts : 358 Join date : 2009-09-23 Age : 49 Location : Changwon, Korea / Ottawa, Canada
| Subject: Second Feedback for Yoon-Ha Sat Feb 27, 2010 7:18 am | |
| - Yoon-Ha wrote:
- Photos help me to remember good memories. Maybe most people can agree with this. All people have their own photos. We can take good views, experiences, situations and good times on the photos. Photos keep our important memories. Therefore, When we see the photos we can cry and smile. Also [__] person who is tired can recall their purpose that they had dreamed for. How about finding your old photos and enjoying it with your family? lt could be fun.
This is a very good paragraph Yoon-Ah! I like your ideas and how you put it all together. Please, fix your paragraph in a new post.
change the word 'take' for photograph. Both words have the same meaning, but you don't say 'take good views'
Change the word = I saw three hours of cartoons on TV. Fix the mistake = I last the ball. // I am do my homework. // i forgot my book. Erase a word = I lost the the ball. Add a word = [___] | |
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Admin Admin
Posts : 358 Join date : 2009-09-23 Age : 49 Location : Changwon, Korea / Ottawa, Canada
| Subject: Second Feedback for Harold Sat Feb 27, 2010 9:20 am | |
| - Harold wrote:
- Photos help me remember good times. Like I sometimes say " Photos are the only things that remain after the trip " Photos once helped me remember the amazing scenery of
' the sunrise at Homigot '[.] This is very good Harold! I would have liked to have seen more writing, but overall this is good.
Last edited by Admin on Mon Mar 01, 2010 11:57 am; edited 2 times in total | |
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Admin Admin
Posts : 358 Join date : 2009-09-23 Age : 49 Location : Changwon, Korea / Ottawa, Canada
| Subject: Second Feedback for Sang-Jun Sat Feb 27, 2010 9:25 am | |
| - Sang-Jun wrote:
- When I'm going outside, I don't wear a coat or jacket in the winter, Because I hate clinging things. So I only wear one [___] [___] clothes on [___] the cold beneath 0˚ temperature. But on the very cold time[,] down -5˚
temperature, I should wear a coat or jacket. So I hate 'very cold time'. The next time, I'll have a jacket when I go outside. This is a very good effort at correcting your mistakes Sang-Jun! In English when we talk about the temperature outside we say "cold days" not "cold times'. Please fix your mistakes in a new post.
Change the word = I saw three hours of cartoons on TV. Fix the mistake = I last the ball. // I am do my homework. // i forgot my book. Erase a word = I lost the the ball. Add a word = [___] | |
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Admin Admin
Posts : 358 Join date : 2009-09-23 Age : 49 Location : Changwon, Korea / Ottawa, Canada
| Subject: Second Feedback for Hyeon-Joong Sat Feb 27, 2010 9:32 am | |
| - Hyeon-Joong wrote:
- My younger brother has been a great bad boy. I've been fighting with him for a long time. I've used many ways to stop my brother, but he never stops. So we fight again and again.
but, my mother always rebuke me but my brother has never [___] rebuked by mom[,] so I think this is unfair.
Last edited by Hyeon-Joong on Tue 16 Feb 2010 - 18:01; edited 1 time in total Good effort Hyeon-Joong. Keep working hard. Please, fix your mistakes in a NEW POST.
Change the word = I saw three hours of cartoons on TV. Fix the mistake = I last the ball. // I am do my homework. // i forgot my book. Erase a word = I lost the the ball. Add a word = [___] | |
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Yoon-Ha
Posts : 36 Join date : 2009-10-01
| Subject: Re: Write On page 7 Sun Feb 28, 2010 9:34 pm | |
| Photos help me to remember good memories. Maybe most people can agree with this. All people have their own photos. We can shoot good views, experiences, situations and good times on the photos. Photos keep our important memories. Therefore, when we see the photos we can cry and smile. Also a person who is tired can recall his purpose that they had dreamed for. How about finding your old photos and enjoying it with your family? lt could be fun. | |
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Hyeon-Joong
Posts : 28 Join date : 2009-09-24
| Subject: my brother Mon Mar 01, 2010 8:18 am | |
| My younger brother has been a great bad boy. I've been fighting with him for a long time. I've used many ways to stop my brother, but he never stops. So we fight again and again. but, my mother always bawl out me but my brother [has] never rebuked by mom[,] so I think this is unfair. | |
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Hye-Jin
Posts : 37 Join date : 2009-09-28
| Subject: Second draft Mon Mar 01, 2010 11:38 am | |
| I love to walk in the park at [_the_] spring. I see flowers every where. Then I walk through the flowers and butterflies are flying alll over the flowers every where. And it is a very beautiful sight. | |
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Admin Admin
Posts : 358 Join date : 2009-09-23 Age : 49 Location : Changwon, Korea / Ottawa, Canada
| Subject: Third Feedback for Yoon-Ha Mon Mar 01, 2010 12:14 pm | |
| - Yoon-Ha wrote:
- Photos help me to remember good memories. Maybe most people can agree with this. All people have their own photos. We can shoot good views, experiences, situations and good times on the photos. Photos keep our important memories. Therefore, when we see the photos we can cry and smile. Also a person who is tired can recall his purposes that he/she had dreamed of. How about finding your old photos and enjoying it with your family? lt could be fun.
Excellent Yoon-Ha! | |
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Admin Admin
Posts : 358 Join date : 2009-09-23 Age : 49 Location : Changwon, Korea / Ottawa, Canada
| Subject: Third feedback for Hyeon-Joong Mon Mar 01, 2010 12:27 pm | |
| - Hyeon-Joong wrote:
- My younger brother has been a great bad boy. I've been fighting with him for a long time. I've used many ways to stop my brother, but he never stops. So we fight again and again. My mother always rebukes me[,] but my brother [has] never been rebuked by mom[,] so I think this is unfair.
Good work Hyeon-Joong! | |
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Admin Admin
Posts : 358 Join date : 2009-09-23 Age : 49 Location : Changwon, Korea / Ottawa, Canada
| Subject: Second Feedback Hye-Jin Mon Mar 01, 2010 12:34 pm | |
| - Hye-Jin wrote:
- I love to walk in the park at the spring. I see flowers every where. Then I walk through the flowers and butterflies
are flying alll over the flowers every where. And it is a very beautiful sight. Good effort Hye-Jin. Please fix your mistakes in a NEW POST.
Change the word = I saw three hours of cartoons on TV. Fix the mistake = I last the ball. // I am do my homework. // i forgot my book. Erase a word = I lost the the ball. Add a word = [___] | |
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