YSO English
Would you like to react to this message? Create an account in a few clicks or log in to continue.

YSO English

Learn to Write to Learn
 
HomeSearchLatest imagesRegisterLog in

 

 Write On page 7

Go down 
+2
Yoon-Ha
Admin
6 posters
Go to page : 1, 2  Next
AuthorMessage
Admin
Admin
Admin


Posts : 358
Join date : 2009-09-23
Age : 49
Location : Changwon, Korea / Ottawa, Canada

Write On page 7 Empty
PostSubject: Write On page 7   Write On page 7 I_icon_minitimeWed Feb 03, 2010 2:59 pm

Choose one of the topics sentences given in your book on page 7. Write a paragraph making your topic sentence the first sentence. The rewrite your paragraph placing your topic sentence in a different position within your paragraph.

Name1st writing2nd writing
3rd writing
Grade
Harold
do again
Very Good
XXX
Very Good
Hye-Jin
do again
do again
XXX
XXX
Hyeon-Joong
do again
do again
Very Good
Very Good
Yoon-Ah
do again
do again
Excellent
Excellent
Sang-Jun
do again
do again
XXX
XXX
Name
XXX
XXX
XXX
XXX
Name
XXX
XXX
XXX
XXX
Name
XXX
XXX
XXX
XXX
Name
XXX
XXX
XXX
XXX
Name
XXX
XXX
XXX
XXX


FBC = feedback coming
TBG = to be graded


Last edited by Admin on Mon Mar 01, 2010 12:35 pm; edited 11 times in total
Back to top Go down
https://yansebon.rpg-board.net
Yoon-Ha

Yoon-Ha


Posts : 36
Join date : 2009-10-01

Write On page 7 Empty
PostSubject: photos help me to rememger good time.   Write On page 7 I_icon_minitimeMon Feb 08, 2010 8:51 pm

Photos help me to remember good time. maybe most people can agree with this.All people have their own photo. we can take good views, experiences, situations and good times on the photos. photos keep our important remembrance. Therefore, we can crying and smiling with seeing photos. Also person who is tired can remind their purpose that they had dreamed.How about finding your old photos and enjoy it with your family?lt could be fun.
Back to top Go down
Harold

Harold


Posts : 40
Join date : 2009-09-28

Write On page 7 Empty
PostSubject: Photos help me remember Good Times   Write On page 7 I_icon_minitimeTue Feb 09, 2010 4:11 pm

Photos help me remember good times. Like I some times say " Photos are only thing that remain after the trip " Photos onced helped me remember the amazing scenery of ' sunrise at Homigot '
Back to top Go down
Hyeon-Joong

Hyeon-Joong


Posts : 28
Join date : 2009-09-24

Write On page 7 Empty
PostSubject: My younger brother   Write On page 7 I_icon_minitimeThu Feb 11, 2010 2:42 pm

My younger brother has been a great bad boy. I've been fighting with him for a long time. I've used many ways to stop my brother, but he never stops. So we fight again and again. but, my mother always rebuke me but my brother [has] never rebuked by mom[so,] I think this is unfair.


Last edited by Hyeon-Joong on Tue Feb 16, 2010 2:31 pm; edited 1 time in total
Back to top Go down
Hye-Jin

Hye-Jin


Posts : 37
Join date : 2009-09-28

Write On page 7 Empty
PostSubject: Ilove to walk in the park at the spring.   Write On page 7 I_icon_minitimeMon Feb 15, 2010 11:59 am

I love to walk in the park at spring.I see flowers every where. Then I alk through the flowers and butterflies are flying alll over the flowers every where. And it is a very beautiful sight.
Back to top Go down
Sang-Jun

Sang-Jun


Posts : 17
Join date : 2009-12-03

Write On page 7 Empty
PostSubject: I hate wearing a jacket.   Write On page 7 I_icon_minitimeMon Feb 15, 2010 8:23 pm

When I'm going to outside, I don't wear a coat or jacket in the winter. Because I hate clinging(It is diffrent meaning of clining. Hmm....
interrupting and annoying thing?)things. So I only wear one clothes in the cold day beneath 0˚ temperature. But in the very cold day down -5˚
temperature, I should wear the coat or jacket. So I hate 'very cold day'. The next time, I'll have the jacket when I go to outside.
Back to top Go down
Admin
Admin
Admin


Posts : 358
Join date : 2009-09-23
Age : 49
Location : Changwon, Korea / Ottawa, Canada

Write On page 7 Empty
PostSubject: Feedback for Yoon-Ha   Write On page 7 I_icon_minitimeTue Feb 16, 2010 8:19 am

Yoon-Ha wrote:
Photos help me to remember good time. maybe most people can agree with this. All people have their own photo. we can take good views, experiences, situations and good times on the photos. photos keep our important remembrance. Therefore, we can crying and smiling with seeing [__]photos. Also person who is tired can [___] remind [___] their purpose that they had dreamed [___]. How about finding your old photos and enjoy it with your family? lt could be fun.

This is very good work Yoon-Ah! I like the effort you put into writing this. I like your ideas. Good work. Please fix your mistakes in a new post.

Change the word = I saw three hours of cartoons on TV.
Fix the mistake = I last the ball. // I am do my homework. // i forgot my book.
Erase a word = I lost the the ball.
Add a word = [___]


Last edited by Admin on Sat Feb 27, 2010 6:53 am; edited 1 time in total
Back to top Go down
https://yansebon.rpg-board.net
Admin
Admin
Admin


Posts : 358
Join date : 2009-09-23
Age : 49
Location : Changwon, Korea / Ottawa, Canada

Write On page 7 Empty
PostSubject: Feedback for Harold   Write On page 7 I_icon_minitimeTue Feb 16, 2010 8:24 am

Harold wrote:
Photos help me remember good times. Like I some times say " Photos are [___] only thing that remain after the trip[___]" Photos onced helped me remember the amazing scenery of ' [___] sunrise at Homigot '

I like your paragraph Harold! It is simple to read and answers the task very well. Good work. Please fix your mistakes in a new post.

Change the word = I saw three hours of cartoons on TV.
Fix the mistake = I last the ball. // I am do my homework. // i forgot my book.
Erase a word = I lost the the ball.
Add a word = [___]


Last edited by Admin on Sat Feb 27, 2010 6:53 am; edited 1 time in total
Back to top Go down
https://yansebon.rpg-board.net
Admin
Admin
Admin


Posts : 358
Join date : 2009-09-23
Age : 49
Location : Changwon, Korea / Ottawa, Canada

Write On page 7 Empty
PostSubject: Feedback for Hye-Jin   Write On page 7 I_icon_minitimeTue Feb 16, 2010 8:41 am

Hye-Jin wrote:
I love to walk in the park at [__] spring. I see flowers every where. Then I alk through the flowers and butterflies are flying alll over the flowers every where. And it is a very beautiful sight.

This is good work Hye-Jin! Your description is beautiful. I can imaging walking in the park during the spring. Please fix your mistakes in a new post.

Change the word = I saw three hours of cartoons on TV.
Fix the mistake = I last the ball. // I am do my homework. // i forgot my book.
Erase a word = I lost the the ball.
Add a word = [___]


Last edited by Admin on Sat Feb 27, 2010 6:54 am; edited 1 time in total
Back to top Go down
https://yansebon.rpg-board.net
Admin
Admin
Admin


Posts : 358
Join date : 2009-09-23
Age : 49
Location : Changwon, Korea / Ottawa, Canada

Write On page 7 Empty
PostSubject: Feedback for Hyeon-Joong   Write On page 7 I_icon_minitimeTue Feb 16, 2010 8:44 am

Hyeon-Joong wrote:
My younger brother has been a great bad boy. I've been fighting with him for a long time. I've used many ways to stop my brother, but he never stops. So we fight again and again. but, my mother always rebuke me but my brother [___] never rebuked by mom[__] I think this is unfair.

This is very good work Hyeon-Joong! I like your story and I know exactly what you mean. It's not easy being the biggest around and having to not hit your little brother when he bothers you. Good work. Please fix your mistakes in a new post.

Change the word = I saw three hours of cartoons on TV.
Fix the mistake = I last the ball. // I am do my homework. // i forgot my book.
Erase a word = I lost the the ball.
Add a word = [___]


Last edited by Admin on Sat Feb 27, 2010 6:54 am; edited 1 time in total
Back to top Go down
https://yansebon.rpg-board.net
Admin
Admin
Admin


Posts : 358
Join date : 2009-09-23
Age : 49
Location : Changwon, Korea / Ottawa, Canada

Write On page 7 Empty
PostSubject: Feedback for Sang-Jun   Write On page 7 I_icon_minitimeTue Feb 16, 2010 9:18 am

Sang-Jun wrote:
When I'm going to outside, I don't wear a coat or jacket in the winter. Because I hate clinging(It is diffrent meaning of clining. Hmm.... interrupting and annoying thing?)things. So I only wear one clothes in the cold day beneath 0˚ temperature. But in the very cold day down -5˚ temperature, I should wear the coat or jacket. So I hate 'very cold day'. The next time, I'll have the jacket when I go to outside.

This is very good work Sang-Jun! I understand that you might not clining clothes but best being healthy than sick. Wouldn't you agree? Good work. Please fix your mistakes in a new post.

(It is diffrent meaning of clining. = clining is not a word

Change the word = I saw three hours of cartoons on TV.
Fix the mistake = I last the ball. // I am do my homework. // i forgot my book.
Erase a word = I lost the the ball.
Add a word = [___]


Last edited by Admin on Sat Feb 27, 2010 9:21 am; edited 2 times in total
Back to top Go down
https://yansebon.rpg-board.net
Yoon-Ha

Yoon-Ha


Posts : 36
Join date : 2009-10-01

Write On page 7 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Write On page 7   Write On page 7 I_icon_minitimeThu Feb 18, 2010 5:42 am

Photos help me to remember good memories. Maybe most people can agree with this. All people have their own photos. We can take good views, experiences, situations and good times on the photos. Photos keep our important memories. Therefore,When we see the photos we can cry and smile. Also person who is tired can recall their purpose that they had dreamed for. How about finding your old photos and enjoying it with your family? lt could be fun.
Back to top Go down
Harold

Harold


Posts : 40
Join date : 2009-09-28

Write On page 7 Empty
PostSubject: Photos help me remember Good Times   Write On page 7 I_icon_minitimeFri Feb 19, 2010 1:54 pm

Photos help me remember good times. Like I sometimes say " Photos are the only things that remain after the trip " Photos once helped me remember the amazing scenery of 'the sunrise at Homigot'
Back to top Go down
Sang-Jun

Sang-Jun


Posts : 17
Join date : 2009-12-03

Write On page 7 Empty
PostSubject: I hate wearing a jacket   Write On page 7 I_icon_minitimeMon Feb 22, 2010 6:33 am

When I'm going outside, I don't wear a coat or jacket in the winter. Because I hate clinging things. So I only wear one clothes on the cold beneath 0˚ temperature. But on the very cold time down -5˚ temperature, I should wear a coat or jacket. So I hate 'very cold time'. The next time, I'll have a jacket when I go outside.
Back to top Go down
Hyeon-Joong

Hyeon-Joong


Posts : 28
Join date : 2009-09-24

Write On page 7 Empty
PostSubject: my younger brother   Write On page 7 I_icon_minitimeMon Feb 22, 2010 9:04 pm

My younger brother has been a great bad boy. I've been fighting with him for a long time. I've used many ways to stop my brother, but he never stops. So we fight again and again. but, my mother always rebuke me but my brother [has] never rebuked by mom[so,] I think this is unfair.


Last edited by Hyeon-Joong on Tue 16 Feb 2010 - 18:01; edited 1 time in total
Back to top Go down
Admin
Admin
Admin


Posts : 358
Join date : 2009-09-23
Age : 49
Location : Changwon, Korea / Ottawa, Canada

Write On page 7 Empty
PostSubject: Second Feedback for Yoon-Ha   Write On page 7 I_icon_minitimeSat Feb 27, 2010 7:18 am

Yoon-Ha wrote:
Photos help me to remember good memories. Maybe most people can agree with this. All people have their own photos. We can take good views, experiences, situations and good times on the photos. Photos keep our important memories. Therefore, When we see the photos we can cry and smile. Also [__] person who is tired can recall their purpose that they had dreamed for. How about finding your old photos and enjoying it with your family? lt could be fun.

This is a very good paragraph Yoon-Ah! I like your ideas and how you put it all together. Please, fix your paragraph in a new post.

change the word 'take' for photograph. Both words have the same meaning, but you don't say 'take good views'

Change the word = I saw three hours of cartoons on TV.
Fix the mistake = I last the ball. // I am do my homework. // i forgot my book.
Erase a word = I lost the the ball.
Add a word = [___]
Back to top Go down
https://yansebon.rpg-board.net
Admin
Admin
Admin


Posts : 358
Join date : 2009-09-23
Age : 49
Location : Changwon, Korea / Ottawa, Canada

Write On page 7 Empty
PostSubject: Second Feedback for Harold   Write On page 7 I_icon_minitimeSat Feb 27, 2010 9:20 am

Harold wrote:
Photos help me remember good times. Like I sometimes say " Photos are the only things that remain after the trip " Photos once helped me remember the amazing scenery of ' the sunrise at Homigot '[.]


This is very good Harold! I would have liked to have seen more writing, but overall this is good.


Last edited by Admin on Mon Mar 01, 2010 11:57 am; edited 2 times in total
Back to top Go down
https://yansebon.rpg-board.net
Admin
Admin
Admin


Posts : 358
Join date : 2009-09-23
Age : 49
Location : Changwon, Korea / Ottawa, Canada

Write On page 7 Empty
PostSubject: Second Feedback for Sang-Jun   Write On page 7 I_icon_minitimeSat Feb 27, 2010 9:25 am

Sang-Jun wrote:
When I'm going outside, I don't wear a coat or jacket in the winter, Because I hate clinging things. So I only wear one [___] [___] clothes on [___] the cold beneath 0˚ temperature. But on the very cold time[,] down -5˚ temperature, I should wear a coat or jacket. So I hate 'very cold time'. The next time, I'll have a jacket when I go outside.

This is a very good effort at correcting your mistakes Sang-Jun! In English when we talk about the temperature outside we say "cold days" not "cold times'. Please fix your mistakes in a new post.

Change the word = I saw three hours of cartoons on TV.
Fix the mistake = I last the ball. // I am do my homework. // i forgot my book.
Erase a word = I lost the the ball.
Add a word = [___]
Back to top Go down
https://yansebon.rpg-board.net
Admin
Admin
Admin


Posts : 358
Join date : 2009-09-23
Age : 49
Location : Changwon, Korea / Ottawa, Canada

Write On page 7 Empty
PostSubject: Second Feedback for Hyeon-Joong   Write On page 7 I_icon_minitimeSat Feb 27, 2010 9:32 am

Hyeon-Joong wrote:
My younger brother has been a great bad boy. I've been fighting with him for a long time. I've used many ways to stop my brother, but he never stops. So we fight again and again.but, my mother always rebuke me but my brother has never [___] rebuked by mom[,] so I think this is unfair.

Last edited by Hyeon-Joong on Tue 16 Feb 2010 - 18:01; edited 1 time in total

Good effort Hyeon-Joong. Keep working hard. Please, fix your mistakes in a NEW POST.

Change the word = I saw three hours of cartoons on TV.
Fix the mistake = I last the ball. // I am do my homework. // i forgot my book.
Erase a word = I lost the the ball.
Add a word = [___]
Back to top Go down
https://yansebon.rpg-board.net
Yoon-Ha

Yoon-Ha


Posts : 36
Join date : 2009-10-01

Write On page 7 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Write On page 7   Write On page 7 I_icon_minitimeSun Feb 28, 2010 9:34 pm

Photos help me to remember good memories. Maybe most people can agree with this. All people have their own photos. We can shoot good views, experiences, situations and good times on the photos. Photos keep our important memories. Therefore, when we see the photos we can cry and smile. Also a person who is tired can recall his purpose that they had dreamed for. How about finding your old photos and enjoying it with your family? lt could be fun.
Back to top Go down
Hyeon-Joong

Hyeon-Joong


Posts : 28
Join date : 2009-09-24

Write On page 7 Empty
PostSubject: my brother   Write On page 7 I_icon_minitimeMon Mar 01, 2010 8:18 am

My younger brother has been a great bad boy. I've been fighting with him for a long time. I've used many ways to stop my brother, but he never stops. So we fight again and again. but, my mother always bawl out me but my brother [has] never rebuked by mom[,] so I think this is unfair.
Back to top Go down
Hye-Jin

Hye-Jin


Posts : 37
Join date : 2009-09-28

Write On page 7 Empty
PostSubject: Second draft   Write On page 7 I_icon_minitimeMon Mar 01, 2010 11:38 am

I love to walk in the park at [_the_] spring. I see flowers every where. Then I walk through the flowers and butterflies are flying alll over the flowers every where. And it is a very beautiful sight.
Back to top Go down
Admin
Admin
Admin


Posts : 358
Join date : 2009-09-23
Age : 49
Location : Changwon, Korea / Ottawa, Canada

Write On page 7 Empty
PostSubject: Third Feedback for Yoon-Ha   Write On page 7 I_icon_minitimeMon Mar 01, 2010 12:14 pm

Yoon-Ha wrote:
Photos help me to remember good memories. Maybe most people can agree with this. All people have their own photos. We can shoot good views, experiences, situations and good times on the photos. Photos keep our important memories. Therefore, when we see the photos we can cry and smile. Also a person who is tired can recall his purposes that he/she had dreamed of. How about finding your old photos and enjoying it with your family? lt could be fun.

Excellent Yoon-Ha!
Back to top Go down
https://yansebon.rpg-board.net
Admin
Admin
Admin


Posts : 358
Join date : 2009-09-23
Age : 49
Location : Changwon, Korea / Ottawa, Canada

Write On page 7 Empty
PostSubject: Third feedback for Hyeon-Joong   Write On page 7 I_icon_minitimeMon Mar 01, 2010 12:27 pm

Hyeon-Joong wrote:
My younger brother has been a great bad boy. I've been fighting with him for a long time. I've used many ways to stop my brother, but he never stops. So we fight again and again. My mother always rebukes me[,] but my brother [has] never been rebuked by mom[,] so I think this is unfair.

Good work Hyeon-Joong!
Back to top Go down
https://yansebon.rpg-board.net
Admin
Admin
Admin


Posts : 358
Join date : 2009-09-23
Age : 49
Location : Changwon, Korea / Ottawa, Canada

Write On page 7 Empty
PostSubject: Second Feedback Hye-Jin   Write On page 7 I_icon_minitimeMon Mar 01, 2010 12:34 pm

Hye-Jin wrote:
I love to walk in the park at the spring. I see flowers every where. Then I walk through the flowers and butterflies are flying alll over the flowers every where. And it is a very beautiful sight.

Good effort Hye-Jin. Please fix your mistakes in a NEW POST.

Change the word = I saw three hours of cartoons on TV.
Fix the mistake = I last the ball. // I am do my homework. // i forgot my book.
Erase a word = I lost the the ball.
Add a word = [___]
Back to top Go down
https://yansebon.rpg-board.net
Sponsored content





Write On page 7 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Write On page 7   Write On page 7 I_icon_minitime

Back to top Go down
 
Write On page 7
Back to top 
Page 1 of 2Go to page : 1, 2  Next
 Similar topics
-
» Write On page 11
» Write On page 23
» Write On page 13
» Write On page 9
» Write On page 5

Permissions in this forum:You cannot reply to topics in this forum
YSO English :: Spectrum Writing Grade 4 :: Lesson 1: Writing Main Ideas-
Jump to: