Write On page 9

Subject: Write On page 9 Wed Feb 03, 2010 3:01 pm

Using one of the 4 titles given on page 9, write a paragraph. Remember to only include sentences that are related to your topic sentence.

Name	1st writing	2nd writing	3rd writing	Grade
Harold	do again	do again	Good	Good
Hye-Jin	do again	do again	XXX	XXX
Hyeon-Joong	do again	do again	do again	XXX
Yoon-Ah	do again	do again	Very Good	Very Good
Sang-Jun	do again	do again	XXX	XXX
Name	XXX	XXX	XXX	XXX
Name	XXX	XXX	XXX	XXX
Name	XXX	XXX	XXX	XXX
Name	XXX	XXX	XXX	XXX
Name	XXX	XXX	XXX	XXX

FBC = feedback coming
TBG = to be graded

Posts : 36 Join date : 2009-10-01

one day , my friend entrusted her pet to me. And she told me how to caring her pet. Also she told me to playing with her per with many toys.
After my friend was gone, l gave him breakfast. The pet takes 30minutes break. l took him to the park and jogged with him.
At noon, l gave him lunch. The pet also took break as morning.After that, l played with him with many toys.
At night. he excrete pooh and urine. l cleaned it up. l gave him last food. And l washed his body.
my friend took him to her house.

Posts : 28 Join date : 2009-09-24

I had a funny dream. it was about my brothyer and me. I was playin a conputer came, then suddenly my brother ran toward me and hit me. At first, I didn't know why he did that, but my brother [had] warned me to go out and my brother played computer games.

Posts : 40 Join date : 2009-09-28

My Favorite Salad is th original salad with the Italian Sauce. I like this salad because I once ate a salad with Italian Sauce and it was so delicious, and I don't like the other salads like ' noodle with carrot salad '.

Posts : 37 Join date : 2009-09-28

The water became ice, and from morning ithe temprature was freezing . I wore warm clothes and went to the academy .In the academy the teacher put on the heater, so it was not so cold.But when I went to drink water it froze so I mixed ith hot water so it was a very cold day.

Subject: Feedback for Yoon-Ha Tue Feb 16, 2010 9:59 am

Yoon-Ha wrote:: one day, my friend entrusted her pet to me. And she told me how to caring [__] her pet. Also she told me to playing with her per with many toys. After my friend was gone, l gave him breakfast. The pet takes 30minutes break[I don't understand this sentence]. l took him to the park and jogged with him. At noon, l gave him lunch. The pet also took break as morning [what do you mean by 'break'?]. After that, l played with him with many toys. At night. he excrete ~~pooh and urine~~. l cleaned it up. l gave him last food. And l washed his body. my friend took him to her house.

I like what you wrote Yoon-Ah. Your paragraph is logical and you use good sequence words to keep everything in order. Well done! Please fix your mistakes in a new post.

Change the word = I saw three hours of cartoons on TV.
Fix the mistake = I last the ball. // I am do my homework. // i forgot my book.
Erase a word = I lost ~~the~~ the ball.
Add a word = [___]

Subject: Feedback for Harold Tue Feb 16, 2010 10:05 am

Harold wrote:: My Favorite Salad is th original salad with the Italian Sauce. I like this salad because I once ate a salad with Italian Sauce and it was so delicious, and I don't like the other salads like ' noodle with carrot salad '.

Well done Harold! You need to be careful with your use of capital letters. Please fix your mistakes in a new post.

Change the word = I saw three hours of cartoons on TV.
Fix the mistake = I last the ball. // I am do my homework. // i forgot my book.
Erase a word = I lost ~~the~~ the ball.
Add a word = [___]

Subject: Feedback for Hyeon-Joong Tue Feb 16, 2010 12:07 pm

Hyeon-Joong wrote:: I had a funny dream. it was about my brothyer and me. I was playin a conputer came, then suddenly my brother ran toward me and hit me. At first, I didn't know why he did that, but my brother [___] warned me to go out and my brother played computer games.

This is good work Hyeon-Joong! Your story is interesting. I would also like to know why your brother told you to exit the room. Please fix your mistakes in a new post.

Change the word = I saw three hours of cartoons on TV.
Fix the mistake = I last the ball. // I am do my homework. // i forgot my book.
Erase a word = I lost ~~the~~ the ball.
Add a word = [___]

Subject: Feedback for Hye-Jin Tue Feb 16, 2010 12:22 pm

Hye-Jin wrote:: The water became ice, and from morning ithe temprature was freezing . I wore warm clothes and went to the academy. In the academy the teacher put on the heater, so it was not so cold. But when I went to drink water it froze so I mixed ith [___]hot water so it was a very cold day.

I really like this story Hye-Jin! It is entertaining and fun to read. Iamgine a day that cold! Brrr.... Good work! Please fix your mistakes in a new post.

Change the word = I saw three hours of cartoons on TV.
Fix the mistake = I last the ball. // I am do my homework. // i forgot my book.
Erase a word = I lost ~~the~~ the ball.
Add a word = [___]

Posts : 36 Join date : 2009-10-01

One day, my friend entrusted her pet to me. and she told me how to care for her pet. Also she told me to play with her pet with many toys. After my friend was gone, l gave him breakfast. The pet takes 30 minutes rest. l took him to the park and jogged with him. At noon, l gave him lunch. The pet also took a rest as morning .After that, l played with him with many toys. At night. he excreted . l cleaned it up. l gave him last food. and l washed his body. My friend took him to her house.

Posts : 40 Join date : 2009-09-28

My favorite salad is the original salad with the Italian sauce. I like this salad because I once ate a salad with Italian Sauce and it was so delicious, and I don't like the other salads like 'noodle with carrot salad'.

Posts : 17 Join date : 2009-12-03

I have a basement. This is a wonderful playing place! I can play computer games during 5 hours, I can watch my ultramordern TV, playing catch ball, listening music, eating pizza, sleeping...etc. I can do anything During 24 hours a day in this great hideout. but Nobody never scolds me because no one knows. When I'm sick of playing, I go home. This is really good place!

Posts : 28 Join date : 2009-09-24

I had a funny dream. it was about my brothyer and me. I was playin a conputer came, then suddenly my brother ran toward me and hit me. At first, I didn't know why he did that, but my brother [had] warned me to go out and my brother played computer games.

Last edited by Hyeon-Joong on Tue 16 Feb 2010 - 18:06; edited 2 times in total

Subject: Second Feedback for Yoon-Ha Sat Feb 27, 2010 9:56 am

Yoon-Ha wrote:: One day, my friend entrusted her pet to me~~[.]~~and she told me how to care for her pet. Also she told me to play with her pet with many toys. After my friend was gone, l gave him breakfast. The pet takes [__] 30 minutes rest. l took him to the park and jogged with him. At noon, l gave him lunch. The pet also took a rest as [___] [___] morning. After that, l played with him with many toys. At night~~[.]~~ he excreted. l cleaned it up. l gave him [___] last food~~[.]~~ and l washed his body. My friend took him to her house.

Well done Yoon-Ah. You tried hard to fix your mistakes. I've pointed out a few more for you to look at. Please, fix your mistakes in a new post.

Change the word = I saw three hours of cartoons on TV.
Fix the mistake = I last the ball. // I am do my homework. // i forgot my book.
Erase a word = I lost ~~the~~ the ball.
Add a word = [___]

Subject: Second Feedback for Harold Sat Feb 27, 2010 9:59 am

Harold wrote:: My favorite salad is the original salad with the Italian sauce. I like this salad because I once ate a salad with Italian Sauce and it was so delicious, and I don't like the other salads like ~~[']~~noodle with carrot salad~~[']~~.

Good work Harold. This is a short, but precise paragraph. I would have liked to have seen more writing. For example, you could have told us what you like about the Italian Sauce? Please, fix your mistakes in a new post.

Change the word = I saw three hours of cartoons on TV.
Fix the mistake = I last the ball. // I am do my homework. // i forgot my book.
Erase a word = I lost ~~the~~ the ball.
Add a word = [___]

Subject: Second Feedback for Sang-Jun Sat Feb 27, 2010 10:11 am

Sang-Jun wrote:: I have a basement. This is a wonderful playing place! I can play computer games during 5 hours, I can watch my ultramordern TV, playing catch ball, listening [__] music, eating pizza, ~~[...]~~ etc. I can do anything During 24 hours a day in this great hideout. but Nobody never scolds me because no one knows. When I'm sick of playing, I go home. This is really [__] good place!

This is a very good story Sang-Jun. I would like to have a hideout like the one you are describing. Fix your mistakes in a new post.

Change the word = I saw three hours of cartoons on TV.
Fix the mistake = I last the ball. // I am do my homework. // i forgot my book.
Erase a word = I lost ~~the~~ the ball.
Add a word = [___]

Subject: Second Feedback for Hyeon-Joong Sat Feb 27, 2010 10:14 am

Hyeon-Joong wrote:: I had a funny dream. it was about my brothyer and me. I was playin a conputer came, then suddenly my brother ran toward me and hit me. At first, I didn't know why he did that, but my brother had warned me to go out and my brother played computer games.

Last edited by Hyeon-Joong on Tue 16 Feb 2010 - 18:06; edited 2 times in total

This is a good effort at trying to fix your mistakes Hyeon-Joong. Keep working hard. Please, fix your mistakes in a NEW POST.

Change the word = I saw three hours of cartoons on TV.
Fix the mistake = I last the ball. // I am do my homework. // i forgot my book.
Erase a word = I lost ~~the~~ the ball.
Add a word = [___]

Posts : 36 Join date : 2009-10-01

One day, my friend entrusted her pet to me and she told me how to care for her pet. Also she told me to play with her pet with many toys. After my friend was gone, l gave him breakfast. The pet took about 30 minutes rest. l took him to the park and jogged with him. At noon, l gave him lunch. The pet also took a rest as same as morning. After that, l played with him with many toys. At night he excreted. l cleaned it up. l gave him the last food and l washed his body. My friend took him to her house.

Posts : 28 Join date : 2009-09-24

I had a funny dream. it was about my brother and me. I was playin a computer game, then suddenly my brother ran toward me and hit me. At first, I didn't know why he did that, but my brother had warned me to go out and my brother played computer games.

Last edited by Hyeon-Joong on Tue 16 Feb 2010 - 18:06; edited 2 times in total

Posts : 37 Join date : 2009-09-28

The water became ice, and from morning ithe temprature was freezing . I wore warm clothes and went to the academy. In the academy the teacher put on the heater, so it was not so cold. But when I went to drink water it froze so I mixed ith [___]hot water so it was a very cold day.

Subject: Third feedback for Harold Mon Mar 01, 2010 12:40 pm

Harold wrote:: My favorite salad is the original salad with the Italian sauce. I like this salad because I once ate a salad with Italian Sauce and it was so delicious, and I don't like the other salads like the noodle with carrot salad.

Good Harold!

Subject: Third Feedback for Yoon-Ha Mon Mar 01, 2010 1:55 pm

Yoon-Ha wrote:: One day, my friend entrusted her pet to me and she told me how to care for her pet. Also she told me to play with her pet with many toys. After my friend was gone, l gave him breakfast. The pet took about [a] 30 minutes rest. l took him to the park and jogged with him. At noon, l gave him lunch. The pet also took a rest as same as morning. After that, l played with him with many toys. At night he excreted. l cleaned it up. l gave him the last [of his] food and l washed his body. My friend took him to her house.

Very Good Yoon-Ha!

Subject: Third feedback for Hyeon-Joong Mon Mar 01, 2010 2:00 pm

Hyeon-Joong wrote:: I had a funny dream. it was about my brother and me. I was playin a computer game, then suddenly my brother ran toward me and hit me. At first, I didn't know why he did that, but my brother had warned me to go out [__] ~~and~~ [__] my brother played computer games.

Good Hyeon-Joong! Please, fix your mistakes in a NEW POST.

Change the word = I saw three hours of cartoons on TV.
Fix the mistake = I last the ball. // I am do my homework. // i forgot my book.
Erase a word = I lost ~~the~~ the ball.
Add a word = [___]

Subject: Second Feedback Hye-Jin Mon Mar 01, 2010 2:08 pm

Hye-Jin wrote:: The water became ice, and from morning ithe temprature was freezing. I wore warm clothes and went to the academy. In the academy the teacher put on the heater, so it was not so cold. But when I went to drink water it froze so I mixed [___] ith hot water so it was a very cold day.

This is a good effort Hye-Jin. Please, fix your mistakes in a NEW POST.

Change the word = I saw three hours of cartoons on TV.
Fix the mistake = I last the ball. // I am do my homework. // i forgot my book.
Erase a word = I lost ~~the~~ the ball.
Add a word = [___]

Posts : 28 Join date : 2009-09-24

I had a funny dream. it was about my brother and me. I was playin a computer game, then suddenly my brother ran toward me and hit me. At first, I didn't know why he did that, but my brother had warned me to go out, [after ] [that], my brother played computer games.

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