Write On page 11

Subject: Write On page 11 Wed Feb 03, 2010 4:06 pm

Choose your own topic. Then think of a main idea. Write at least one paragraph. Use a topic sentence or make sure that your main idea can be understood without a topic sentence.

Name	1st writing	2nd writing	3rd writing	Grade
Harold	do again	do again	do again	XXX
Hye-Jin	do again	do again	XXX	XXX
Hyeon-Joong	do again	XXX	XXX	XXX
Yoon-Ah	do again	XXX	XXX	XXX
Sang-Jun	do again	XXX	XXX	XXX
Name	XXX	XXX	XXX	XXX
Name	XXX	XXX	XXX	XXX
Name	XXX	XXX	XXX	XXX
Name	XXX	XXX	XXX	XXX
Name	XXX	XXX	XXX	XXX

FBC = feedback coming
TBG = to be graded

Posts : 36 Join date : 2009-10-01

People eat food in many reasonS.Some people eat, to alive,enjoy delicious fodd, getting fat. when we eat food ,nutrition can provide all of our body and make energy. We can move with this. Eating enough food is good for us. However eating too much is harmful to our body. When we eat too much we are getting fat. Also we can easily get illnesses. For exanmle there is two man .One man is thin and looks good, against another man makes other people's face not good ,of course, He is fat and he looks lazy. Healthy man always eat enough food and he always jogging after his schedule. but fat man always eat more and more. Also sleeping all day long. Both of them went to hospital, the healthy man's result is perfect, but fat man's result is amazing he has lots of illnesses. The doctor said to fat man ." All of your body is not good and they can't be normal person's body". like this, if you eat too much you loose lots of things. Eating more and more eats your life and you will die early. Do not eat too much food. Just eat enough food.

Posts : 40 Join date : 2009-09-28

I hate to get up in the morning. When I get up in the morning, I have nothing to do. It is boring. And I feel like I'm a Koala. My soul is not awoken yet. The worst thing is I'm always staring at something, and moping around.

Posts : 37 Join date : 2009-09-28

I love to get up in the morning because weekend is coming.In the morning my favourite tv show is comes on and we can eat break fast. Finally when I have a bad dream Ican wake up.

Subject: Feedback for Yoon-Ha Tue Feb 16, 2010 12:51 pm

Yoon-Ha wrote:: People eat food in many reasonS.Some people eat, to alive, [___] enjoy delicious fodd, [__] getting fat. when we eat food, nutrition [___] can [___] provide all of our body and make energy. We can move with this. Eating enough food is good for us. However eating too much is harmful to our body. When we eat too much we ~~are~~ getting fat. Also we can easily get illnesses. For exanmle there is two man . One man is thin and looks good, against another man makes other people's face not good wn]][I do not understand this sentence],of course, [u]He is fat and he looks lazy. Healthy man always eat enough food and he always jogging after his schedule. but fat man always eat more and more [___]. Also sleeping all day long[who sleeps all day long?]. Both of them went to [___]hospital, the healthy man's result is perfect, but fat man's result is amazing he has lots of illnesses. The doctor said to [___] fat man ."~~All of~~ your body is not good [___]~~and~~ they can't be [__] normal person's body". like this [___], if you eat too much you loose lots of things. Eating more and more eats your life and you will die early. Do not eat too much food. Just eat enough food.

Very good work Yoon-Ah! I like your story. It has good information and it sticks to your topic sentence. There are a number of mistakes, but I think you can fix most of them if not all of them. Keep working hard. Please fix your mistakes in a new post.

Change the word = I saw three hours of cartoons on TV.
Fix the mistake = I last the ball. // I am do my homework. // i forgot my book.
Erase a word = I lost ~~the~~ the ball.
Add a word = [___]

Subject: Feedback for Harold Tue Feb 16, 2010 1:07 pm

Harold wrote:: I hate to get up in the morning. When I get up in the morning, I have nothing to do. It is boring. And I feel like I'm a Koala. My soul is not awoken yet. The worst thing is I'm always staring at something, and moping around.

This is excellent work Harold! It is too bad you can't find anything to do in the morning. I think the morning is the best time of the day. Please fix your mistakes in a new post.

Change the word = I saw three hours of cartoons on TV.
Fix the mistake = I last the ball. // I am do my homework. // i forgot my book.
Erase a word = I lost ~~the~~ the ball.
Add a word = [___]

Subject: Feedback for Hye-Jin Tue Feb 16, 2010 1:07 pm

Hye-Jin wrote:: I love to get up in the morning because [__] [___] [___] weekend is coming. In the morning my favourite tv show is comes on and we can eat break fast. Finally[__] when I have a bad dream I can wake up.

Well done Hye-Jin! I also like waking up in the morning. I remember waking up in the morning to watch my favorite cartoons, too. Please fix your mistakes in a new post.

Change the word = I saw three hours of cartoons on TV.
Fix the mistake = I last the ball. // I am do my homework. // i forgot my book.
Erase a word = I lost ~~the~~ the ball.
Add a word = [___]

Posts : 40 Join date : 2009-09-28

I hate to get up in the morning. When I get up in the morning, I have nothing to do. It is boring. And I feel like I'm a Koala. My soul is not awoken yet. The worst thing is I'm always staring at a specific things, and moping around.

Posts : 17 Join date : 2009-12-03

I like swimming. This is really interesting sport because swimming is exercise in the water. I would go to the swimming pool for delight. First, before I entered swimming pool, I would do a worm-up. After I entered the swimming pool, I would play with a ball. Finally, I did swimming (free style, back stroke, butterfly stroke..). If I have more than time than now, I want to go there again.

Posts : 28 Join date : 2009-09-24

New year is the biggest holiday in Korea. and second happy day for children after children's day. because we bows to adults for new years and gets a lot of money. and other moneys for new grade. We usually gathering in grandfather's house and talk about our usual life. and after two or three days later, we go to another grandfathers' and grandmathers' .

Subject: Second Feedback for Harold Sat Feb 27, 2010 10:18 am

Harold wrote:: I hate to get up in the morning. When I get up in the morning, I have nothing to do. It is boring. And I feel like I'm a Koala. My soul is not awoken yet. The worst thing is I'm always staring at a [___] specific ~~things~~, and moping around.

Well done Harold! Please, fix your mistakes in a new post.

Change the word = I saw three hours of cartoons on TV.
Fix the mistake = I last the ball. // I am do my homework. // i forgot my book.
Erase a word = I lost ~~the~~ the ball.
Add a word = [___]

Subject: Feedback for Sang-Jun Sat Feb 27, 2010 10:24 am

Sang-Jun wrote:: I like swimming. This is really [__] interesting sport because swimming is exercise in the water. I would go to the swimming pool for delight. First, before I entered [___] swimming pool, I would do a worm-up. After[,] I entered the swimming pool, I would play with a ball. Finally, I ~~did~~ swimming (free style, back stroke, butterfly stroke). If I have more ~~than time than now~~, I [___] want to go there again.

This is a first good draft Sang-sun. It is nice to see that you enjoy swimming. I think swimming is also a fun activity. Please, fix your mistakes in a new post.

Change the word = I saw three hours of cartoons on TV.
Fix the mistake = I last the ball. // I am do my homework. // i forgot my book.
Erase a word = I lost ~~the~~ the ball.
Add a word = [___]

Subject: Feedback for Hyeon-Joong Sat Feb 27, 2010 10:34 am

Hyeon-Joong wrote:: New year is the biggest holiday in Korea~~[.]~~ and [___] second happy day for children after children's day~~[.]~~ because we bows to adults for new years and gets a lot of money [. and other moneys for new grade. I don't understand this phrase.] We usually gathering in grandfather's house and talk about our usual life~~[.]~~ and ~~after~~ two or three days later, we go to another grandfathers' and grandmathers' .

Good work Hyeon-Joong. This first draft is interesting, but there are a high number of mistakes that need to be fixed. Please, fix your mistakes in a NEW POST.

Change the word = I saw three hours of cartoons on TV.
Fix the mistake = I last the ball. // I am do my homework. // i forgot my book.
Erase a word = I lost ~~the~~ the ball.
Add a word = [___]

Posts : 40 Join date : 2009-09-28

I hate to get up in the morning. When I get up in the morning, I have nothing to do. It is boring. And I feel like I'm a Koala. My soul is not awoken yet. The worst thing is I'm always staring at the specific , and moping around.

Posts : 37 Join date : 2009-09-28

I love to get up in the morning because [__.] [_.__] [__._] weekend is coming. In the morning my favourite tv show is comes on and we can eat break fast. Finally[__,] when I have a bad dream I can wake up.

Subject: Third feedback for Harold Mon Mar 01, 2010 2:45 pm

Harold wrote:: I hate to get up in the morning. When I get up in the morning, I have nothing to do. It is boring. And I feel like I'm a Koala. My soul is not awoken yet. The worst thing is I'm always staring at the specific , and moping around.

What would be the opposite of 'something'? Please, fix your mistake in a new post.

Change the word = I saw three hours of cartoons on TV.
Fix the mistake = I last the ball. // I am do my homework. // i forgot my book.
Erase a word = I lost ~~the~~ the ball.
Add a word = [___]

Subject: Second Feedback Hye-Jin Mon Mar 01, 2010 2:54 pm

Hye-Jin wrote:: I love to get up in the morning because [__.] [means] [__._] weekend is coming. In the morning my favourite tv show is comes on and we can eat break fast. Finally, when I have a bad dream I can wake up.

More mistakes need to be addressed Hye-Jin. I know you can do this. Keep working hard. Please, fix your mistakes in a NEW POST.

Change the word = I saw three hours of cartoons on TV.
Fix the mistake = I last the ball. // I am do my homework. // i forgot my book.
Erase a word = I lost ~~the~~ the ball.
Add a word = [___]

Posts : 36 Join date : 2009-10-01

People eat food for many reasons.Some people eat, to live, or enjoy delicious food, or get fat. when we eat food, nutrition can be provide all for our body and make energy. We can move with this. Eating enough food is good for us. However eating too much is harmful to our body. When we eat too much we are getting fat. Also we can easily get illnesses. For example there are two mans . One man looks good, but another man looks bad.because one man is thin but another man is so fat. Fat man looks lazy and dull. Healthy man always eats enough food and he always jog after his schedule. but fat man always eats more and more food. Also fat man sleeping all day long .Both of them go to the hospital, the healthy man's result is perfect, but fat man's result is amazing he has lots of illnesses. The doctor says to the fat man . Your body is unhealthy it can't be the normal person's body". Like this example, if you eat too much you loose lots of things. Eating more and more eats your life and you will die early. Do not eat too much food. Just eat enough food.

Posts : 28 Join date : 2009-09-24

New year is the biggest holiday in Korea and [the] second happy day for children after children's day because we bow to adults for new year and get a lot of money. We usually gather in grandfather's house and talk about our usual life and two or three days later, we go to another grandparents' house .

Posts : 40 Join date : 2009-09-28

I hate to get up in the morning. When I get up in the morning, I have nothing to do. It is boring. And I feel like I'm a Koala. My soul is not awoken yet. The worst thing is I'm always staring at nothing specific , and moping around.

Posts : 37 Join date : 2009-09-28

I love to get up in the morning because the weekend is coming.And my favourite tv show comes on and we can e breakfast .Finally when I have a bad dream my alarm wakes me up.

Posts : 17 Join date : 2009-12-03

I like swimming. This is interesting sport because swimming is exercise in the water. I would go to the swimming pool for delight. First, before I entered in the swimming pool, I would do a warm-up. After, I entered the swimming pool, I play with a ball. Finally, I swam(free style, back stroke, butterfly stroke..). If I have more time than now, I will want to go there again

» Write On page 9
» Write On page 21
» Write On page 23
» Write On page 25
» Write On page 5